album cover
"Size Matters"?
Standup Comedy
"Size Matters"? was released on July 24, 2025 by Comedy Records as a part of the album Is Not Afraid of You
album cover
Release DateJuly 24, 2025
LabelComedy Records
LanguageEnglish
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Hunter Collins
Hunter Collins
Comedian
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Hunter Collins
Hunter Collins
Songwriter
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Barry Taylor
Barry Taylor
Producer

Lyrics

In stand-up, you'll hear a lot of talk about guys' dicks, you know?
We'll run over the whole, ecosystem, you know?
Talk about the big floppy hogs, little wine court guys
But we don't shine a light on the diversity of vaginas out there
And I've experienced the gamut
In the same way there are micro-penises, I've experienced micro-pussy
Just try to enter the premises there, and those lips will burst
Like a stubborn toddler who won't eat
And that's fine, I'm still friends with this girl 'til this day
In the moment, I just bent over, shook her tiny labia like a Barbie hand
Thank you for the opportunity
Maybe try dating a guy with an expensive car
But then I've also experienced the other side of the spectrum
That wide boon
The gash of the Titans
Oh man, I got in there, I was like
Desperately trying to find a wall like a blind guy with vertigo
Can I lock my bike up in here?
You guys seem like a nice couple
Not like those guys
How'd you guys meet?
She just squeezed his testicle under the table
That's crazy, I heard it pop
I actually met my girlfriend the old fashioned way
Arrange marriage, and, uh
I had to give her dad a lot of wheat
We actually met online, and I felt really superficial doing online dating
I hated, like, just swiping on the superficial shit
And being in a multicultural city like Toronto
Presented some unique, uh, challenges
Like, I would just swipe "no" on some girls just because of their name
Like, I had this girl pop up on my phone, her name was Dada
I can't bring Dada home
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fuck you so hard, Dada
Oh yeah, I'm gonna put it all over your tits, Dada
Can't even shorten that, 'cause it's just dad
Written by: Hunter Collins
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