album cover
Rumination
Hip-Hop/Rap
Rumination was released on August 17, 2025 by AnxiousForHope as a part of the album Thinking So Far Ahead
album cover
Release DateAugust 17, 2025
LabelAnxiousForHope
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy
BPM82

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Judah Emmanuel
Judah Emmanuel
Performer
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Judah Emmanuel
Judah Emmanuel
Lyrics
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Judah Emmanuel
Judah Emmanuel
Producer

Lyrics

I've been sitting at this desk and writing down my feels
Wondering what work it takes to love myself and better heal
Sometimes I think it's best if I don't drive my car or take the wheel
Because I'll crash into the road of hunger, how I'm skipping meals
Can't consume the fuel I need
Pressing patience on my brakes but it's broken it's on E
Excavating in my garden filled with soils rocks
I can't breakthrough
They say the damage done in your space is what makes you
But
But I disagree
Why I always gotta suffer?
Why you testing me?
Do you see the best in me?
Or are you overstepping greed
To pin me down or press my knees
Or skin me out until my chest would bleed
Clasp my sadness to my gut until I'm overweight
No convincing me to cut down what's on my plate
Stuffing my whole face
Full of old waste
It stinks but I don't really care about the mold taste
It seems I'm caught within a circle full of grown snakes
I gotta run the distance, but I'm going at a slow pace
Walking in the darkness in my own case
It's my decision if I go or if I stay
Composed or if I break
I loathe in all dismay
I chose to alter my subconscious
In a foolish way
I chose ruminate
Internalize the hate
Of myself cause I can't stand the way I feel, my body aches
I'd rather be asleep cause I can't stand when I awake
I'm roaming on this earth, with questions that I need some answers to
Why did I have problems fitting in when I was deep in school?
Why did I have trouble finding actions that make me cool?
Do I lack the self respect to be authentic?
Am I just a weird soul who wants attention?
I just wanna leave and get sent to a third dimension
Where I rot in my vices of sadness it hurts to mention
That I don't really love myself
I hate the way I speak
I don't really love myself
I'm just too weak
To carry on in this life
I'm taking struggle steps
I can't stand and fight
I'm super vexed
And I don't know how to chill and try to handle stress
Because I'm fighting demons in my heart, I really try my best
That's why I'm walking every day and wonder what is next
I'm hanging on tight to any dignity I have left
I'm internalizing negative emotions please
God I ask you for some help I'm praying on my knees
Cause I'm too cold, I feel myself about to lay and freeze
I'm shivering I need some warmth up in these cold degrees
Need your hand to guide me, what am I supposed to do?
Because I'm lost without your presence I don't have a clue
Your voice is always stuck with me, I guess you probably knew
Tired of my own mind, I wanna be close to you
This is my crying out for help, I hope you hear me
I know see me here, and know what's going on
I need some time to speak to you because my mind is gone
I'm drowning in the dark, tryna go and look for dawn
I feel the weight of every burden I've been counting on
Searching places for myself, I don't know where I belong
These emotions are attacking me like loaded bombs
So God I'm asking you to heal me because I'm holding on
Written by: Judah Emmanuel
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