album cover
One
1,340
Comedy
One was released on March 8, 2011 by Comedy Central Records, under exclusive license to 800 Pound Gorilla Records as a part of the album Happy Thoughts
album cover
Release DateMarch 8, 2011
LabelComedy Central Records, under exclusive license to 800 Pound Gorilla Records
LanguageEnglish
Melodicness
Acousticness
Valence
Danceability
Energy
BPM192

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Performer
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Songwriter
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Producer

Lyrics

Thank you
San Francisco
All right, you're ruining the show
Thank you for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of
Oh, San Francisco
My third favorite city to do comedy in
That's not bad, right? Top ten, congratulations
More butt fucking per square foot than in any place in the world
That's you guys, that's you
Put that on your postcards
San Francisco, more butt fucking per square foot
Miss you
All right
Now if you've never seen me perform before, I am not good live
Heads up
If I offend anybody tonight, I apologize, that's not my intention
I'm not gonna guess what your personal line of decency is
I cross my own from time to time
It's how I know I still have one
I have no problem with illegal immigration in this country
Except for the fact that they don't serve on jury duty
That's horseshit
It should be the other way around
They should serve exclusively on jury duty
Yeah
Then it finally would be a jury of one's own peers
It's not a stereotype if it's always true
Yeah, then it becomes law
That joke is called "Latinos are criminals"
That's just the title, it doesn't mean anything
Sometimes before I walk on stage, my girlfriend will say
"Have a good show, break a leg"
This is what she said to me a few weeks ago
Right before I walked on stage
She goes, "Hey, you ever worry about
Getting shot when you're out there?"
I'm like, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
She followed it with, "You should move around more"
Uh, you should go back to reading your vampire books
I should move around more?
As if a sniper would get frustrated
Like, "I can't keep up, he lives"
You ever scratch your girl from the
Hangnail and pretend you're Wolverine?
She's like, "Knock it off"
And I'm like, "You made me like this"
Then you run into the woods, you're naked
You gotta figure things out
Where'd you come from? Why are you wearing dog tags?
Did I serve?
A lot of times people complain that
Their significant other takes too long
To get ready to go out at night
I've never had that complaint
And I think it's because I never wanna go anywhere
So I could care less how long it takes her to get ready
That's just less time I have to spend with her horrible friends
Pretending I don't wanna kill myself
Yeah
She'll take an hour and a half to get ready
Come down and be like, "Oh my goodness, you were so patient"
And I'll be like, "For what? You look disgusting"
Right? Yeah
Now she's crying, whatever
I bought myself an extra two hours to watch the game
It's not like she's gonna break up with me
She's ten years younger
She's one opinion away from being replaced
I can say that, I have a television show
Yeah
The power in our household has shifted dramatically
Written by: Daniel Tosh
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