Being Single Again - Louis C.K.: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

Being Single Again

1,312

Comedy

Being Single Again was released on September 18, 2010 by Comedy Central Records, under exclusive license to 800 Pound Gorilla Records as a part of the album Hilarious

Song Details

Release DateSeptember 18, 2010

LabelComedy Central Records, under exclusive license to 800 Pound Gorilla Records

LanguageEnglish

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS

Louis C.K.

Spoken Word

COMPOSITION & LYRICS

Louis C.K.

Songwriter

PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING

Louis C.K.

Producer

Lyrics

I don't know how to start shows

It's just a problem that I have

I never, I never figured out how to come out and just start talking

Because the first thing you say on stage always feels stupid

Because there's no real reason for me to talk to you

It just doesn't exist

I don't know you, you don't, you don't even know each other

You're facing the same direction, that's all you have in common

So I just have to "bleh"

It's like talking to a girl at a bar because you're attracted to her

The first thing you say is just gonna be dog shit

Coming out of your mouth, because you don't know her!

The only honest thing that you could say to her is

"I wanna fuck your face"

That's the only thing you could say that you can mean

Anything else you say

Is you trying really hard not to say, "I wanna fuck your face"

That's the only thing you're

"I wanna put my penis in the lowest hole in your head"

I was never good at that, like I was very bad at being single

Which is a problem because I'm divorced

So I'm single again after ten years of marriage and, no, here

Cut the shit! Don't even start with that noise like a puppy died

Let me tell you something, let me tell you something

And this is important, because some day

One of your friends is gonna get divorced

It's gonna happen, and they're gonna tell you

Don't go, "Aw, I'm sorry", that's a stupid thing to say!

It really is! First of all

You're making them feel bad for being really happy, which isn't fair

And second, let me explain something, divorce is always good news

I know that sounds weird, but it's true

Because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce

It's really that simple

That's never happened, that would be sad

If two people were married and they were really happy

And they just had a great thing

And then they got divorced!

That would be really sad, but that has happened zero times

Literally zero

Ray Charles has killed more Jews

Than happy marriages have ended in divorce

So if your friend got divorced, it means things were bad

And now they're, I mean, they're better

They're not good, life is shit wall to wall

But they're better, so you should be happy

But, the part that's difficult is being single

At 41 after ten years of marriage and two kids

It's, that's like having a bunch of money

In the currency of a country that doesn't exist anymore

Like, like I found 500 million Prussian francs

I can't really take advantage of being single because I didn't

I didn't expect to be single

I'm not prepared, I didn't think I'd ever be

I didn't keep this shit up, you understand?

I didn't maintain any of this at presentation condition

It's function only, it was not

I didn't think I would need it that way

I thought I was gonna be shoving it into the same person

Every three months 'til one of us died

That's what I thought was the nature of the deployment for this

I didn't think it had to be like appealing to someone from scratch

It's like having a, it's like having a '73 Dodge Dart in your backyard

And it's been sitting back there with grass growing

You don't have any, it's not an old Mustang

You have no plans to restore that Dart

You don't even see it when you look out the window

And now you find out that's your only way to work

You need that car now

And you're like, "Aw, shit, I, I didn't take, it's got bees in it!

I didn't take care of it! It's full of bees!

There's a family of mice living in the tailpipe

I can't take that to work"

I have no single instincts

I know too much to be single

I know everything that happens now

That's no good for single

You gotta be optimistic to be single

Stupid! You have to be stupid!

That's what optimistic means, you know, it means stupid

An optimist is somebody who goes

"Hey, maybe something nice will happen"

Why the fuck would anything nice ever happen?

What are you, stupid?

But that's the attitude you have to be to be single

You have to look at someone and go, "Ooh, maybe..."

I don't look at it that way

Even when I see somebody I'm attracted to

I was at a gym the other day, why, why? I'm at a gym

I'm not, I'm just, I'm just wearing shorts

That's all I'm doing there, just standing there

And I look over and there's a girl on the

You know, with the ponytail, and she's on this thing

And I'm looking at her and I'm like, "Ugh, she's awesome, shit"

But then I start thinking, "Wait a minute, I'm single!

I'm on the market, I have value

I could say something to her!

I could just walk up and say something!"

And I'm trying to think, "What am I gonna say?

What do I, what does, what do I look like to somebody like that?"

And then I realize it's been way too long

I've just been standing there, staring at her

I have no identity in the single world

I can't, I look at them, I don't know what they're doing

I, I, I tried just jerking off to Girls Gone Wild the other day

Just to re-enter the community that way, just to feel part of it

And I bought it, not the commercial on Comedy Central

I paid money like a grown-up

I put my credit card down and waited for it to come to my house

I'm an adult, so I'm trying to jerk off to Girls Gone Wild

I can't do it 'cause I'm a father, I'm too old

I'm just getting mad at everybody in the video

I'm like, "You fucking irresponsible bitches, go back to school!

What are you doing down there?

There's two wars and a depression

Put your, get the oil off your tits and study, for fuck's sake"

Written by: Louis C.K.

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