Gravy Drinker - Jim Gaffigan: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

Gravy Drinker

2

Comedy

Gravy Drinker was released on December 7, 2004 by Comedy Central Records, under exclusive license to 800 Pound Gorilla Records as a part of the album Doing My Time

Song Details

AlbumDoing My Time

Release DateDecember 7, 2004

LabelComedy Central Records, under exclusive license to 800 Pound Gorilla Records

LanguageEnglish

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

BPM171

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS

Jim Gaffigan

Performer

COMPOSITION & LYRICS

Jim Gaffigan

Songwriter

Lyrics

I love when I encounter people who are eating more unhealthy than me

Back in Indiana, walking around the Kmart in our town

Or as we called it, the mall

I saw this guy in the Kmart, he was probably about 70

He was doing some shopping, he was drinking something

And I noticed later on he was drinking a cup of KFC gravy

You know, I love gravy too, but I've never considered it a beverage

Won't you like to be the doctor with this guy

"Hey, how are you doing there, Miss Jones?

I'm your doctor, I've got your cholesterol here, okay

You're, well, your blood's not moving

Okay, this is kind of a strange question

Um, you haven't been drinking gravy, have ya?

'Cause you're like 90 percent meat byproduct

We're going to have to register with the government," sad

I used to be a waiter in a Mexican restaurant in Indiana

And uh, that's where you want to go for Mexican

Indiana or Belgium, you know?

Mexican food is the best, but it's the same ingredients, you know?

So, essentially you're like, some people would ask stupid questions

They'd be like, "What is nachos?" Nachos?

It's tortilla with cheese, meat, and vegetables

"Oh, then what is a burrito?"

"Tortilla with cheese, meat, and vegetables"

"Well, then what is a tostada?"

"Tortilla with cheese, meat, and veggies"

"Oh, well then what is? Look, it's all the same shit

Why don't you say a Spanish word and I'll bring you something"

Mexican food is the best, but it is all the same

It's almost a conspiracy

It's like they had a meeting 200 years ago in Mexico

And one guy sat up and he was like

"Hey, look, the reason I got everyone here is pretty simple

I figured we could rename this one entry seven times

Sell to the Americans

The French said it was a good idea, now, who's in on it?"

The one guy in the back sat up and goes, "Wouldn't that be dishonest?"

"Well, keep your mouth shut

We'll name one of the entry after you, what's your name?"

"My name's Jimmy Changa"

That's a true story, that's a bunch of bullshit

That is off me, you guys have been a delight, thank you very much

Well, I'm like you, I've got hobbies, things I like

Me, I like wood, I like to lick it, squeeze it

Go ahead, put on my tombstone, "He liked wood"

Good crowd

I don't like gum, don't offer me any, I won't take it

Good crowd

Reminds me of a story

Well, this is a story about a young man With blonde hair, blue eyes, and glasses

But this young man used to play with a ball of wax

His mum used to say, "Don't play with that wax, you'll choke on it"

That's a good story, wood

Like your city here, I was walking around Capitol Hill

I told a young man I liked wood

He stuck his penis in my butt

I don't like that kind of wood

He just kissed me and went on his way, strange greeting

Yeah, tell a little bit 'bout myself

I used to be a poet, wrote lots of poems

In fact, some of them were published on this piece of paper

This is a poem all about chasing dreams, it's called Dream Chaser

Dreams, dreams, dreams

Boy, do I got a lot of dreams, it's a good poem

Oh, you look like you want another one

Here's a poem about something I love, it's called Wood

Wood, wood, wood

Would you get that penis out of my butt? Good poem

I like this city, you can do anything here

Where I'm from, if you did one thing wrong, they'd never let you forget it

Whenever I go back there, it's always the same

"Oh, welcome home, donkey fucker"

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Bestiality"

I was drunk, donkey tricked me into it

I was cleaning it, we've all cleaned donkeys

Donkey mumbled something like

Kind of like, why don't you stick your dick in my butt?

So I oblige, because I'm a Christian

Written by: Jim Gaffigan

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