NICHOLL/ARDAN/J.T.MASTON

Impey Barbicane, Professor of Astronomy

Ya sure ain’t– sure ain’t foolin’ me

Impey Barbicane, Professor of Astronomy

Oh, who d’ya think you’re try’n’ to be?

BARB

I’ve got the worst-kept secret here on Earth

It’s my accidental terrestrial birth

I’m used to it for what it’s worth

So go ahead and stare!

I find it hard on Earth to assimilate

Can anybody else in here relate?

Send me back? It’s a little too late

And send me back to where?

A planet’s gravity

Should be keepin’ me

Keepin’ me down, down, down

Not let my heart fly off the ground!

But here I am, an alien

In a human skin suit

That you can see through.

Whoa— Not quite man, but alien

And ev’rybody knows

Yeah, ev’rybody knows

The Earth’s not my home!

So where do I go?

NICHOLL/ARDAN/J.T.MASTON

Impey Barbicane, Professor of Astronomy

Load! Ready! Aim!

BARB

I don’t know! I don’t know!

NICHOLL/ARDAN/J.T.MASTON

Impey Barbicane, Professor of Astronomy

Load! Ready! Aim!

BARB

Aim! Aim! Aim!

The way that clothes hang on my frame is strange

The way I feel ‘round men is so deranged

Must be an interplanetary exchange!

Let’s make a new contract!

Two hundred thousand miles I fell

Somebody get fuckin’ Alexander Graham Bell

To make a long-distance call, ‘cause can’t ya tell

I’m tryin’ to make contact?!

A planet’s gravity

Should be keepin’ me

Keepin’ me down, down, down

Not let my heart

Fly off the ground!

But here I am, an alien

In a human skin suit

I wanna burst through!

Whoa! Not quite man, but alien

And ev’rybody knows!

Yeah even I know

Cause I try to hide the extrat’rrestrial that’s living in this skin by impersonating men!

Oh—I try to play terrestrial, perfect my earthling role, And when I think I’ve got it just then

I feel a tug in my chest

I feel a tug on my heart

I feel a speck of something tear me apart

I feel a tug in my chest

I feel a tug on my heart

I feel it tugging to ev’ry star on the chart

SELENE

I feel a tug in my chest

I feel a tug on my heart

I feel a speck of something tear me apart

I feel a tug in my chest

I feel a tug on my heart

I feel it tugging to

BARB

To the universe’s end, where there is no more pretend!

Is it light-years out of view? Or some invisible hue?

A galaxy far from this planet or as close as the Moon

SELENE

The Moon

TRACK

Betty, tell me. What is the most advanced form of transportation that you know?

What do you mean?

What’s that got to do with it?

Please, tell me, Betty

Well, airplanes. Jet airplanes, I guess. Why?

And where do they go? From where to where?

To anywhere in the world

And that’s all?

Where else is there to go?

BARB

Maybe I’m a lunatic but good could come from war

From what a gun and bullet could do

Maybe I’m a lunatic to use this knowledge for

A bullet to the Moon

Load, aim, boom

A rocketship to the Moon!

NICHOLL/ARDAN

April seventeenth, Eighteen-sixty-five

NICHOLL

Gentlemen, Gentlemen of the Baltimore Astronomy Club

ARDAN

Now that The War of Separation has ended

NICHOLL

A tragic loss for all of us

Everyone’s service should be commended.

ARDAN

We return to civilian life but do not give into gloom!

Having no more military duties, our Astronomy meetings can resume!

Captain Nicholl and I, Michel Ardan, invite you to the Club this Friday at five

That is hoping and assuming you are all alive

Sincerely, Baltimore Astronomy Club Secretary, Michel Ardan

NICHOLL

And Baltimore Astronomy Club President, Captain Nicholl

BARB

Here I am, this alien!

And I will be soon shedding my human skin suit!

Whoa! Not quite man, but alien!

Where ev’rybody knows!

Yeah, I’ll sure fuckin’ know in my alien home!

So here I go!

Load, aim, boom!

NICHOLL/ARDAN/J.T.MASTON

Impey Barbicane, Professor of Astronomy,

Ya sure ain’t– sure ain’t foolin’ me

Impey Barbicane, Professor of Astronomy

Oh, who d’ya think you’re try’n’ to be?

BARB

I’m coming for ya’, Moon!