Everyone's a Little Bit Racist

Say, Kate, can I ask you a question? Sure Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs? Uh huh Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster Right You're both Monsters Yeah Are you two related? What? Princeton I'm surprised at you, I find that racist Oh, well, I'm sorry, I was just asking Well, it's a touchy subject No, not all monsters are related What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh? No, no, no, oh, not at all I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist I should say so You should be much more careful When you're talking about the sensitive subject of race Well, look who's talking What do you mean? What about that special Monster school you told me about? What about it? Could someone like me go there? No, we don't want people like you Ha ha ha ha ha, you see? You're a little bit racist Well, you're a little bit too I guess we're both a little bit racist Admitting it is not an easy thing to do But I guess it's true Between me and you I think everyone's a little bit racist sometimes Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes Look around and you will find No one's really color blind Maybe it's a fact we all should face Everyone makes judgments based on race No, not big judgments, like who to hire Or who to buy a newspaper from No No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican Busboys should learn to speak goddamn English Right Everyone's a little bit racist today So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay Ethnic jokes might be uncouth But you laugh because they're based on truth Don't take them as personal attacks Everyone enjoys them, so relax All right, stop me if you've heard this one Okay Alright there's a plan going down And there's only one parachute And there's a Rabbi, a priest And a black guy Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate? Uh You were telling a black joke Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes I don't Well, of course you don't, you're black But I bet you tell polack jokes, right? Well, sure I do, those stupid polacks, ha ha ha Now, don't you think that's a little racist? Well, damn, I guess you're right You're a little bit racist Well, you're a little bit too We're all a little bit racist I think that I would have to agree with you We're glad you do It's sad but true Everyone's a little bit racist, all right All right All right All right Bigotry has never been Exclusively white If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit Even though we all know that it's wrong Maybe it would help us get along Oh, Christ do I feel good? Now there was a fine upstanding black man Who? Jesus Christ But, Gary, Jesus was white No, Jesus was black No, Jesus was white No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black Guys, guys, Jesus was jewish Hey guys, what are you laughing about? Racism Cool Brian come back here You take out lecycuraburs What's that mean? Um, recyclables Hey, don't laugh at her How many languages do you speak? Oh, come off it, Brian Everyone's a little bit racist I'm not Oh no? Nope How many oriental wives Have you got? What? Brian Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American I know you are no intending to be But calling me oriental, offensive to me I'm sorry, honey, I love you And I love you But you're racist, too Yes, I know The Jews have all the money And the whites have all the power And I'm always in taxi cab With driver who no shower Me too Me too I can't even get a taxi Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true But everyone is just about as racist as you If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit And everyone stopped being so P.C. Maybe we could live in harmony Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist