Blackmail

Well, your father's in Bermuda And the milkman's overjoyed Your maid is into bondage And I've got Polaroids And I was on the corner When you wrecked your mother's Porsche But why should I inform her About your poor misfortune? 'Cause everyone has secrets But sometimes you get caught So if it's just between us My silence can be bought Blackmail . . . blackmail I was looking through your closet When I found your water bong Your stash of Turkish hash And a twelve-inch rubber dong And I won't tell your family About your last abortion So you can call it "bribery" But I prefer "extortion" Well, my counselor is a dealer And the football coach is queer The school nurse and the dean of boys Are having an affair And someone shot the rent-a-cop And I'm the only witness But I won't tell you who it was 'Cause it's none of your business