The Oldest Profession

I'm worn out and weary I ain't no machine My head hurts, my feet hurts And everything in between I'm gettin' too old for The Oldest Profession I'm gettin' too tired And too slow I'm gettin' too old for the Half-hour session I'm gettin' too old For a pro I'm gettin' too old To climb all those stairs now A half dozen times Everynight I'm gettin' too old To take 'em in pairs now Or to take off my clothes In the light I can't seem to manage Those shriners who manage To manhandle me Every trick To tell you truth, I've had so many shriners I'm up for membership When I was sixteen It was fun turnin' tricks I needed the money And I wanted some kicks I ain't sixteen I just turned twenty-six It's time to come in from the cold Looks like, I'm gettin' too old Twenty-six? Watch your mouth now! You say you've been in the life for ten years, How many days you figure you've been on? I don't know but uh, Lacey get your calculator baby Let's figure it out Aight, Let's say five Johns a night Six nights a week Of course that was back in my prime That's thrity Johns a week Fifty weeks a year 'Cause I always visit Mama at Christmastime So that's thirty times fifty Multiplied by ten Holy Shit! Lemme do that again After ten years in the trade, I really made the grade It says here I've been laid By over fifteen thousand men Lord, have mercy! I'm tired of doin' Those deadbeats and hikers At half of the normal price I'm tired of spending The weekends at Reicher's You never meet anyone nice I've done everything a body can do But how goddamn much Can a body go through? I'm gettin' too old For the endless procession I'm gettin' too old For the constant depression I'm gettin' old for The oldest profession I'm getting too old For the Life I'm tired, tired, tired, tired I'm weary I'm gettin' too old for THIS Ooh For the Life!