Rachel

Alright, I'd like to do my imitation of bowling. Got 'em. It took me

A year and a half to write that. I didn't know how to word it

I don't know how to play this. I'd like to play everything The

Beatles ever recorded. I won't do all of "Hey Jude." What are these

Strings for? I'm going to tell you about the girl I'm seeing now

I met her in Macy's in New York City. She was buying clothes and

I was putting slinkies on the escalator. The girl I'm seeing now

Her name is Rachel. She's a very pretty girl. She has emerald eyes

And long, flowing plaid hair. The last week in August, we went

Camping way up in Canada. We were laying around in the woods and

Stuff and I don't know how she did it, but Rachel got poison ivy

On her brain. The only way she could scratch it was if she thought

About sandpaper. She's a rich girl. She's from somewhere else and

Her father is an incredible millionaire. You know how he made his

Money? He's the guy that designed that little diagram that shows

You which way to put batteries in something. Hey, hey, Rachel

Dear. How I wish you were here. Hey, hey, I can almost see you

Having sex with Rachel is amazing. It's like going to a concert, it

Really is. She yells a lot. She throws frisbees around the room

And when she wants more, she lights a match

Hey, hey, Rachel, dear. How I wish you were here

Hey, hey, I can almost see you. That was fun