Half Cocked - Larry the Cable Guy: Song Lyrics, Music Videos & Concerts

Larry the Cable Guy

Half Cocked

107

Comedy

Half Cocked was released on September 18, 2009 by Jack Records as a part of the album Tailgate Party

Song Details

AlbumTailgate Party

Release DateSeptember 18, 2009

LabelJack Records

Melodicness

Acousticness

Valence

Danceability

Energy

BPM147

OVERVIEW

LYRICS

Music Video

Music Video

Credits

PERFORMING ARTISTS

Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy

Performer

COMPOSITION & LYRICS

Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy

Songwriter

PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING

Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy

Producer

Dave Higby

Editing Engineer

Maggie Houlehan

Maggie Houlehan

Editing Engineer

Michael Abbott

Recording Engineer

J.P. Williams

Producer

Alan Blomquist

Executive Producer

Lyrics

Can't buy nothing from China no more. Good lord, the dog food

Toothpaste, they're all poisoned. The dog food's poisoned, you

Believe that? Now my buddy has no idea what to get his wife for their

Anniversary. Does y'all believe me? Alright, I shouldn't say that

He gets mad when I say that, but she ain't good looking so I don't

Know what else to say about her, alright? He met her online, that

Oughta tell you something. He's like, "Quit making fun of my eye

Candy." More like "eye broccoli," good lord. You didn't meet her

Online, you met her on drugs, I'll guarantee you that much there

She's homely. She's part Eskimo. The part that pulls the sled

Alright? That's what she is. She's bad. She faxed her picture into

Eharmony.com and crashed the server on that son of a bitch last week

And that's, that's a true story right there. She is bad. I got her in

A bass tournament with me and she's in the boat and they disqualified

Me for having a pet on the boat. I do, hey, I like fishing. I'm gonna

Tell you something, I almost won a bass tournament in Florida in

January and it was awesome. I had three of these big slobberknockers

And just before the weigh in I forgot to take out the batteries and

They started singing Garth Brooks songs on me in there, they pissed

Me off. I like to drink and fish, you like to drink when you fish?

Of course you do. Why the hell go fishing? But don't get so drunk you

Don't know what you're doing out there when you're fishing. We was

Fishing the other day and I get hammered and I'm like, "I gotta take

A leak." Ugh, so I start peeing in the lake. Realized I was in the

Fish tank up at the Red Lobster. Thank god they put rubber bands on

Them lobster pinchers, I'll tell you that much. Good lord, I'd be

Up here half-cocked right now, alright? I would be. It ain't funny

I would be. And let me ask you, you ever ice fish? I like to ice

Fish. My wife's from Wisconsin, they ice fish, but that proves that

Fish is the biggest retards on the planet right there. What a bunch

Of... you're them doggone fish. You go to the ice, you cut a hole

In the ice, you put your food on the hook and you throw it in the

Hole and the fish grab it and you pull them out and they got that

Look like "Mm, what the hell?" What a bunch of morons. What would

You do if you was sitting at home watching TV and all of a sudden a

Pot pie fell from a hole in the roof? Wouldn't that throw up a couple

Of red flags to you right there, maybe not to go near that pot pie?

Bunch of retard fish. I used to fish a lot with my grandpa and he

Don't fish no more, he's too old to fish but I love him. He's real

Old, matter of fact he had a prostate check, they found an arrowhead

In there last week so he's pretty nervous about it. He's going to

The archaeologist next week to see what's going on with him but...

Felt bad for my grandpa a while back 'cause he likes to go on his

Morning walks and little jogs but he's been tripping and falling and

Hitting his head. We thought he might have a brain tumor so we took

Him to the doctor up there. Turns out he's fine but the doctor said

That when he walks from now on he needs to tuck his nuts into his

Socks. That's funny, I don't care who you are, alright? That's a good

Joke, right? But he had a birthday party a while back, we was gonna

Get him a stripper to pop out of a cake but we couldn't find one last

Minute so we got a fat girl to strip for a piece of cake. And for a

Second I thought she was making balloon animals over

There but she was just bent over with a thong on at the

Time I seen her over there and that's, that's nasty. Ugh

Them thongs. I'm wearing a thong right now. Yeah, don't

Get too excited. It started out as boxer shorts, alright?

Written by: Larry the Cable Guy

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