(spoken) Are there any Phantom Menace nerds in the house? Some idiots keep saying Triumph. Well, I have some news for you. There is a Phantom Menace nerd in the house. The ultimate nerd. Play him on, fellas. It's unbelievable that he's here. The one and only Nerd of the Rings himself, Blackwolf, the Dragonmaster!

(Triumph) What's going on, Blackwolf?

(Blackwolf) Ah, there you are, you fresh hound. Let's do this!

(Triumph) He's got a song?

(Blackwolf) 5, 6, 7, 8

Enter my dark chambers if thou wouldst dare

The wisdom of the multiverse I keep in my lair

I shall regale you with legends of warriors and elves

(Triumph) Then you'll go home and he'll play with himself

(Blackwolf) 'Cause I'm Blackwolf, the Dragonmaster

Blackwolf, the most almighty sage

Blackwolf, so many beasts have I slayed

I'm four thousand years old

(Triumph) And he's never been laid

(Blackwolf) I can school you in the ancient craft of the mage

At the Renaissance Faire, 'tis all the rage

Yes, my sorcery's well known throughout the land

(Triumph) Yes, he can make his dick grow with just one hand

(Blackwolf) 'Cause I'm Blackwolf, the Dragonmaster

Blackwolf, the lowest spirit of the low

Blackwolf, my faithful minions know

(Triumph) Yes, his parents gave up on him years ago

(Blackwolf) I serve the high king Ard Rhi

(Triumph) since he got fired from the DMV

(Blackwolf) I shall duel thee with utmost aplomb

(Triumph) Just don't get too loud or you'll wake up his mom

(Blackwolf) I proudly don the wizard frock

(Triumph) He cleans up after himself with a sock

(Blackwolf) I seized the trusty staff from the vanquished Black Knight

(Triumph) Yes, it was purchased online at a dildo site

(Blackwolf) 'Cause I'm Blackwolf, the Dragonmaster

Blackwolf, heir to the archmajor's throne

To none save myself are my master plans known

(Triumph) Here's a spoiler: you will die alone

(Blackwolf) I'm a proud descendant of the noblest of clans

(Triumph) Yes, he paid for that beard by collecting cans

(Blackwolf) Are those pig ears you're sporting? Well, I see my spell is working

(Triumph) His home life's been awkward since Mom caught him jerking

(Blackwolf) I've maged in the presence of beloved King Arthur

(Triumph) The action figure up his ass can't go any farther

(Blackwolf) I dance with the satyrs as the sun shines above me

(Triumph) Yes, then he spews on a photo of David Duchovny

(Blackwolf) I can take the finest peaches and turn them orange

(Triumph) (pause) Orange?

(Blackwolf) Checkmate!

(Triumph) Ooh. You masturbate, and can't get a date, you'll never copulate, except for dolls you inflate, and then penetrate, yes I'd estimate, you'll be celibate, till Ally MacBeal gains weight, and there's a Palestinian state, yes, you're a candidate, for me to defecate on...I got one more...a clitoris you can't locate, but who can? Ah 1, 2, 3

(both) 'Cause he's Blackwolf, the Dragonmaster

Blackwolf, that's exactly who I am

Blackwolf, the noble man

He slays the beast

Then I slam my ham

Blackwolf!