In 1965, the luxury ocean liner USS Pencil Sharpener sank in the Pacific Ocean

Everyone on board was either killed or drowned

The only known survivor of the disaster was a fully stocked, which floated for 300 miles and was washed up on the hithertofore undiscovered island of Wanaboozeto

The native islanders knew nothing of alcohol – indeed, knew nothing about the great technological bender the rest of the world was on

They had never seen such an object before

Every full moon, the inhabitants would gather round, and dance and sign devotional song to their god, Miniba, and then drink one of the bottles, releasing the magical powers within

What is still a mystery, is how this minibar provided the tribe with drinks for 13 years, and an even greater mystery is how the drinks stayed cold

Tragically, in 1979, the island erupted into anarchy – a war that wiped out every trace of their civilization

All that was left was a copy of the drinks bill which have arrived in 1978, and this – recorded by the anthropologist Wurzel Pumfrey, the song of the Miniba

Get yourself a minibar

Get yourself a minibar

Minibar dot com

Minibar dot com

Stocked up a minibar

Optic a minibar

Stocked up a minibar

Ice in the wine cooler

Sitting in the lounge

Sitting in the living room

Look at the minibar

Quality the minibar

Mescal tequila

Shimmering frost on the vodka

Don’t you want a minibar?

Think of the minibar

Don’t you want a minibar?

A minibar in your car

And so, the vice-shaman’s trance whinge being over, the chief shaman would open the drink, and orgiastic revelry would ensue

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