Florence Falls

Your ears would prick, your tail flick As my key went in the door I'd call your name, you'd start to growl And move menacingly across the floor And as you'd thundered down the stairs Snarling angrily I'd wonder why I liked you so much And you always hated me In the summer we'd go walking to the beach or to the park You wouldn't like the route I took So you'd refuse to walk and bark In the winter you'd curl up by the fire at home I'd go off to get your chew-chew And then you'd eat my mobile phone The first time that you nipped me People said you were just young And the second time it was the heat And the third you were only having fun (ha ha ha ha ha) And the fourth time I actually needed Tetnus And you got neutered at the vet She said that it would calm you down And then you bit me on the leg I remember one time at Christmas When you opened all the stuff I put you out into the garden And you were frurious You cried so much at this great injustice I had to let you back in And then you were good for an hour Then you licked the turkey Now the post remains uneaten And the bin just stays standing up Noone barks at aeroplanes Or occansionly shits in my bed Oh, Florence, there was nothing good about you I can't think of anything But I wish that you were still at home Hateing me again You were a rubbish dog But a rubbish dog is better Than no dog