Mother Darling

Why, Mother darling, what's this? Oh, dear. You weren't supposed to see that It was meant to be a surprise "Itty Bitty Geisha"? "Toyland"? "Gypsy Pasodoble"? Just a few popular favorites You're planning to sing? Well it isn't a party without music But Mother darling - Gould and I have been slaving away like a couple of Phoenicians One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... nine? Not counting encores Mother darling Dearest Mother darling I am honored more than I can say By this wondrous, truly Verging on unduly Heartfelt motherly display And you know how much I love your singing As I've said so many times before Every Christmas time Every christening Every time that you sing I'm the first to shout "Encore!" But, Mother darling Let a daughter have her day! It's a day for me And all of us to shine Though your "Apache Maiden Serenade" is too divine The parents of the groom Are just a wee bit formal Help them think that we are normal Mother darling Sing a little song - not nine "How sharper than a serpent's tooth..." Please, Mother darling - Well, who knows if we'll have another party? Why, everyone's leaving It's your mother's swan song! Edie, cupcake Mama's precious treasure I am slightly mystified to learn Of your sudden, urgent Dare I say insurgent Dearth of daughterly concern For you know how Gould and I adore you (Yes) And rehearsed for weeks on your behalf Madame Butterfly. Tosca's aria It's my best! Let it rest! I'll just die if people laugh! Laugh? Decorum, Mother, that's all I ask! (Decorum!) The best singers (You're a fine one to lecture me about propriety, darling) The real professionals all know when to cede the stage! (Do you remember when the head-mistress called me) When she doesn't get exactly what she wants, she positively spits venom! (because you were wearing lipstick to school? Temptation Red! And you were only thirteen!) It's true! (I can tell you, the entire house) Of course, Mother! You'll say anything to be dramatic! (Was languishing in adolescent shame!) Ladies- Please! Let me get one word in! I'm surprised by both of you today- Both of you are way out of line (And this bossy, bratty) "Bratty"? (Bordering on catty, most unladylike melee) Whose engagement is this, anyway? (After months and months of preparation) You would think the program was resolved So ungrateful! "Turkish Rhapsody"! (Not the rhapsody!) "Venice Barcarolle"! (Not my barcarolle, darling!) This is out of control! Tell her, dear (Don't get me involved here) Mother, darling (Edie, sweetheart) (Talking to the wall) Let's let Daddy referee! (Darling Daddy, where is he?) (Not where he should be!) It's a day for me And all of us to shine! Might I suggest a compromise Is very much in line With moonlight on the waves Delphiniums in flower Save Puccini for the shower Edie, angel Mother will sing eight... not nine Fine Fine? Fine Fine