Vegas (feat. Steven Booth & Andy Mientus)

A: Dude. B: Dude. A: Do you know what we're doing tonight? B: Yeah. We're seeing Hot Julie. A: No. B: We're not seeing Julie? A: Are you ready? B: Yes. No. A: Are you ready? B: I should brush my teeth, but I'm ready. A: Are you ready A: For the single greatest night of your life? A: Oh. A: Tonight we're gonna pick up Miguel and drive. B: Where? A: Patience! Try to see what I see. A: I see us driving up the five in a soft-top x-series. A&B: Cruising through the valley A: On our way out of Cali. A: I see In-n-Out burger. B: Can we stop? A: Yes. It's a four-hour drive, A: But it goes fast A&B: With a double-double animal-style. A: Then at last, we're in Vegas. B: What's up, Vegas! A: We love Vegas. B: We love you, Vegas! A: We'll do A&B: Vegas up the butt! A: Now we're cruising down the strip A: With 3-foot margaritas. B: Can we stop and see Cirque du Soleil? A: No. Because A: we're not pussies A: And B: we're not gay. A: So it's time for porterhouses made by A&B: Bobby Flay. B: Miguel scores E and we're trippin for a while A&B: In style, so true, A&B: We sipping Johnnie Blue. A: Ev'ry chick is like "are you the guys from Entourage?" A&B: And we say gotta go. A&B: We're heading to the Bellag. B: With strippers!! A: Ah yeah. B: Ah yeah. A: You da man. B: You da man. A: Here we go. B: Here we go. A&B: Oh. A: The casino is calling and the blackjack is hot B: But you're too pussy-whipped to gamble so it's my jackpot. B: I'm winning wager after wager. A: Where's Miguel? B: I don't know. A&B: But the house is getting pissed A&B: So we gotta go. B: Look, there's Miguel! B: He's swimming in the Bellagio fountain. A&B: The cops appear! A&B: We're outta here A: 'Cause I know a guy and he's got a helicopter! A: Who's in Vegas? B: We're in Vegas! A: Fuck yeah Vegas! B: Fuck yeah Vegas! A: We'll do A&B: Vegas like your mom. A: Your mom. B: Your mom. A&B: Yeah, like I do your mom. A: Off the strip, we hit the cathouse from H.B.O. A: And we bang every hooker in sight. B: Except you don't. A: Yeah I do. B: I bang your hooker too. B: Can't have your ball and chain getting mad at you. A: Right. B: You know? A: Yeah. But A&B: What happens in Vegas A&B: Stays in Vegas A: Except when it's an STD that you got from two hookers. B: An STD? A: Yeah. A: Sorry man. B: No, it's cool. B: So the brothel's getting raided by some mafia don. B: And he kneecaps you A: Oh my god! A: But Miguel is right behind him, and he knocks the dude out. B: Then we hear a Canadian shout! A: What? B: Oh! It's Celine Dion in a fucking moisture bubble B: And she shoots lasers at Miguel's head. A: Yeah, yeah, but Miguel's so high that he can't feel pain. A: He bursts the bubble and she's dead. B: Well fuck you. A: Fuck you. B: I'll fuck your girlfriend too B: So now we've all got an STD. A: Ah! B: It's like she's always around B: And the one night she's not B: You go and ruin everything. A: Dude. B: What. A: I think I hear the cops outside. A: Think you can get a hold of your helicopter friend A: And get us outta one more bind? B: Yeah. I can. A: I always knew I could count on you. A&B: So we stash the guns, and we case the scene. A&B: We revive Miguel and we hide Celine. A&B: One more twist of fate then we hug it out. A&B: We find a million bucks cuz that's what Vegas is about. B: We're in Vegas. A: Fuck you Vegas! B: We hate Vegas! A: We hate you Vegas! A&B: We did Vegas! A: You realize we didn't leave the apartment. B: Right but... A: We're in Vegas. B: We're in Vegas! A: We love Vegas. B: Dude. I really fucked your girlfriend. A: Vegas. A&B: Vegas. A&B: Vegas.