Used to say what I thought people wanted me to say

And give excuses 'stead of saying what I need to say

Freakin' out and tryna bounce back

I was more down bad than arguing a meter maid

And I used to fake happy, act fresh like Easter Day

And I was worried 'bout the wrong sheets to change

I was sliding sideways from a legal age

Hurting everyone around me, for Pete's sake

Broke the trust of friends who really cared about me

I woke up to everybody nowhere around me

Fell back on someone that still cared about me

I broke her heart and it's another empty chair around me

I was sick, I understand I was a kid

But if I was just a kid, where's the fuckin' au pair around me?

Every choice I made is irreversible

I'm disconnected from the people that I hurt the most

Then I rearranged with the curtains closed

I moved to Nor Cal, focused on my working goals

I don't think I ever had a bad meal

But frayed ends had me spiraling and sad still

I was pretty much ignoring every problem

Instead of having some humility 'bout why I lost 'em

I remember feeling nauseous thinking I should call 'em

Get on the phone and chalk it up to how I fried my noggin (nope)

Smoking weed doesn't make you do bad shit

That's a gimmick like a Benson Boone backflip

I let it all rock without saying nothing

Kept some people in the dark without saying nothing

I lied and I tried to revise things

I engaged in erasure to minimize things

Triangulate a way to fix it, didn't lift a hand

But you can't rake your neighbor's yard from inside, man

I lived overseas for a couple months

And I found true balance on a couple fronts

Healthy loving felt like something I was foreign to

Stability was always something to look forward to

iPod Shuffle life again 'cause I'm portable

Fly home, drive back to Napa, finish boarding school

Comfortable with who I tell my story to

Leave it in the open like fruit fly orange juice

My partner accepting me for who I am

My partner accepting me for all I am

But we felt the ground shake, felt the floor move

The distance and commitment ain't affordable

Now I'm back in my hometown

Helping Mom and Dad move, givin' 'em the go 'round

You know frozen meals, when you poke the film

Familiar faces poking through me at the gym

I'm rolling in my sleep, sayin' vocal stims

Dreamin' 'bout a slam dunk moment where I broke the rim

Why would my wounds ever cauterize

When I hadn't done so much as truthfully apologize

I don't wanna walk to work, see the people that I hurt

so I'm walking after work with my friends I met at work

I got a lot of friends at work who don't think I am a jerk

I just sigh about my old friends and dry it on my shirt

And I finally get to shedding, get to flexing, whoa

And the focus on my body is commendable

That fitness center is my second home

Nine nights out of ten, I go to bed alone

I'm paying more mind to stepping stones

It'll never be the same again and that's set in stone

I never spoke

I'm taking all the blame because I never spoke

Never took a necessary inner look, nothing

I just yelled at everybody and I skipped books

Virtue signaling and fishing in the brook

All that angling and no one bit the hook

And I hadn't realized the serious issues I had really dealt with

Moving mysterious and I let it be my helmet

Social pyramids all in front, I walk around it

Type of stains that you can't get out your outfit

Still, by this time, I'm barely hopping on the internet

'Cause I feel if I'm posting a lot, I'll get unfollowed or blocked

I'm hyper-focused on that number going down

Lemur, what's the deal? You're supposed to be locked

Counting steps on your watch

It also feels understandable that someone wouldn't wanna have

Anything to do with me

I guess it's natural that they would take my name right out the algorithm

When I give my two pennies

But I'm in the booth spitting, and I can't keep quiet for the life of me

I'm with my lady and it's buying a new life for me

I don't feel shady anymore, I'm full as Lipozene

You couldn't pay to keep me dormant, I got sights to see

These memories fade like Jordan back in '93

But every now and again, it's still reminding me

Finally, I know it's time to breath

Wake up and tell myself to start apologizing, Leem

To the people that I hurt, I'm sorry

To friends I no longer deserve, I'm sorry

Everyone I back stabbed or worse, I'm sorry

I lay my back flat on earth 'cause I'm sorry

To the people that I hurt, I'm sorry

To friends I no longer deserve, I'm sorry

Everyone I back stabbed or worse, I'm sorry

I lay my back flat on earth 'cause I'm sorry

To the people that I hurt, I'm sorry

To friends I no longer deserve, I'm sorry

Everyone I back stabbed or worse, I'm sorry

I lay my back flat on earth 'cause I'm sorry

To the people that I hurt, I'm sorry

To friends I no longer deserve, I'm sorry

Everyone I back stabbed or worse, I'm sorry

I lay my back flat on earth 'cause I'm sorry