Dear god, i praise you for this day

And i praise you for the many ways you've worked through my trials and tribulations

Today i wanted to thank you for your amazing and selfless sacrifice

Defeating hell in a blazing glory and soon the antichrist

Today i've turned thirteen years old

And i gave a lot of money away

To the first person that needs it most

I don't want it anyway

The rest for pastor morris

Hopefully i'm just like him someday

God you're here you're present don't ignore this, don't ignore my faith

Dear god, today i've turned fourteen years old

And it's odd because things aren't the same as they were a year ago

My parents marriage is barely together they need a miracle

So i'm praying for restoration if not, then i see you clearly rule

Im gonna devote my life to becoming a pastor

I know that studying your word all night would make that happen faster

So i'm highlighting verses

And i'm rewinding sermons

While i'm writing believing you see me crying in worship

Dear god, it's official my family split

It's okay i understand why and it is what it is

But can i tell you about something that im struggling with?

A had a friend at christian school who killed herself and it's just

She was thirteen, god, and bullied at times too

Tell me how could you be working that out for the right too?

You coulda brought the word to her so that she may find you

But if that's the way your plan's done, god, that ain't like you

God i'm sixteen, i don't know what to believe in

I just found out that my pastor coerced a teen to go sleep with

And then he raped her

And later, my family said that it's wrong to judge a pastors behavior

Because they're the closest thing here to a savior

It's like these people are frauds

How can i believe in god

When the steeple for a church

Can just have evilness bought

All i wanted to do was preach the truth

But now it can't happen

Because the truth is the closest thing to preaching truth here is rapping

Dear journal i'm eighteen

My whole life's crashing

I got kicked out for apostasy

With no one to crash with

I been selling weed and taking drugs just to get past this

And i could tell you every intricate waking sum of the madness

I could tell you i know what it means when Jesus said follow me

To leave your family, hate hypocrisy, and acknowledge the

Truth, and through its message of servitude you can bless with

Church became the thing jesus preached against too, so i left it