Good afternoon, Mrs. Layton

Is it?

Pardon?

Oh sir, I hear you, yes, I hear you, and normally I would agree, it is a good afternoon

But not this afternoon, not with the state of our town today

Oh, we've got tribulation, my good sir

We've got tribulation in Schmigadoon

Look down there, do you see what I see?

Peanut shells in the street

Lying there like passed-out drunks in the gutter

Turning town square into the floor of a saloon

The home of loose women and hooch-happy sinners

A petting pantry in the middle of the street

Is that what our town's become?

Is that the future we want for our children?

I'm telling you, things have changed ever since those two outsiders waltzed in

With their big city ways and their newfangled ideas

Promiscuity and depravity

Interlopers interloping with hearts

Colder than the hinges of hell

First the two of them arrived unmarried

Brimming with lust, wanting to share a bed

Then a brazen display at the basket auction

And now the Mayor's out proclaiming his perversions

At the root of it all two strangers who've never cracked a Bible in their life

And that's gonna lead to tribulation and strife

Now I've got nothing against outsiders

Provided they're the right kind of people

Kind of folks who look and talk and act like us

Peas in a pod and birds of a feather

Not loud-mouthed trash with their tommyrot and flapdoodle

Claptrap, fiddle-faddle, jiggery-pokery

Stirring up the cream while you're waiting for it to settle like

Vermin in the root cellar, flies in the buttermilk

And they're influencing

There, I said it, they're influencing your children

Like an earwig crawling from their ear to their brain

And soon your youngins'll be neglecting chores

Milk going sour unstrained in the springhouse

Backtalk at dinner, no time for the good book

Ragtime blaring on the Victrola

And that's just the beginning, folks

Soon you won't even, no, you won't, no, you won't even recognize your own town

I'm talking about neon signs, smoke-filled rooms

Billiard parlors and painted ladies

Wanton women having children out of wedlock

Rowdy men using filthy language

The devil himself dancing on the front porch

Stealing your babies from their cribs at midnight

Cows and sheep having amorous congress

Children with the mark of the beast on their foreheads

All thanks to these two out-of-towners

Dr. Skinner and Miss Gimble

Better hold on to your husband

Best keep an eye on your wife

'Cause there's gonna be some tribulation and strife

Oh, we've got strife

Got strife

And tribulation

Tribulation!

And not to mention, improvisation

That sounds bad

Let's pray the Lord will save us soon

Pray the Lord, save us soon

'Cause we've got strife and tribulation in Schmigadoon

Strife, strife!, strife, strife

Strife, strife!, strife, strife

Hey!

Now, I love this town, I do, it was my own great-great-granddaddy who founded Schmigadoon

He came upon this beautiful tract of land and said, "They'll never find us here"

But it pains me, yes, it pains me, to see my town turning into something it was never meant to be

New leadership, that's what Schmigadoon needs.

But who? Who has the moral where-with-all, the traditional how-to

The good old-fashioned all-American je ne sais quoi to stand up to these outsiders?

Mildred Layton for Mayor

Oh no, I couldn't

Mildred Layton for Mayor

Oh no, I shouldn't

Mildred Layton for Mayor

Okay, I'll do it

It's time to vote

To vote

And vote for Layton

Vote for Layton

She is the only one who'll save our town from Satan

Save us now

Let's hope that she will save us soon

Hope that she, save us soon

'Cause we've got strife and tribulation

Strife and tribulation

Grief and consternation

Grief and consternation

Strife and tribulation in Schmigadoon