She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee, her dress has got a tear

She waltzes on her way to Mass and whistles on the stair

And underneath her wimple she has curlers in her hair

I even heard her singing in the abbey

She's always late for chapel, but her penitence is real

She's always late for everything, except for every meal

I hate to have to say it, but I very firmly feel Maria's not an asset to the abbey

I'd like to say a word in her behalf

Maria makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

How do you find the word that means Maria?

A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay and listen to all you say

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with her I'm confused, out of focus and bemused

And I never know exactly where I am

Unpredictable as weather, she's as flighty as a feather

She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb!

She'd out pester any pest, drive a hornet from its nest

She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl

She is gentle! She is wild! She's a riddle! She's a child!

She's a headache! She's an angel! She's a girl!

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

How do you find the word that means Maria?

A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her

Many a thing she ought to understand

But how do you make her stay and listen to all you say

How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?