I moved toward the light without any fear of what was beyond it

I had a feeling everything would be alright now

As I stepped inside

A warmth engulfed me

It was a sense of well-being and youthful exuberance

That I hadn't felt in 50 years

I was no longer the old man that cried

When he saw his reflection in the mirror that morning

Had somehow recaptured the best year of my life

When I was 32

My power was at its greatest that year

I was becoming a man that I felt proud of being

I wished then that I could always be 32

Now the light began to thin

As I grew near to the voices of my life

I could hear my grandmother

She was my best friend until I was 12

She would tell me about my father

And what a wonderful man he was

I believed her

Because I knew she wanted me to

Once after I swore a lifelong oath of secrecy

She told me of her love of all loves

Her only real true love

The soulmate she'd lost in her youth

Today I could see a youthful version of the smile

That always greeted me with open arms

Her best year was much younger than mine

And so was his

Then there was Fox, and Dingus, and Mike Coffeen

Barely 11, but already dressed up in olive drab and old helmet liners

Running down by the creek with our bb guns

Preparing for a war that would someday take something from all of them

I could hear the voice of my first love

My heart raced again for a moment

It reminded me of the way she looked on that crisp, sunny April day

When we kissed for the first time

We were 15

She would be the one to teach my heart what to look for when I was 32

The light was fully behind me now

But there was still one more voice I wanted to hear

Then, it softly touched my ears like warm hands

It was her voice

The one that had comforted me for all those years

A voice that could rebuild a broken ego with gentle praise

Yet one with strength enough to keep me humble when I became too full of myself

It was the voice I had missed so much

The wonderful, wonderful voice I first heard

When I was 32

I think I've made more wrong decisions in my life than right ones

I've been very selfish, and I've hurt a lot of really nice people because of it

Sometimes I wish I could go back and change a few things

But, sadly, if anyone could actually grant me a wish

I'd probably ask for money