Ain't Nothin' Free

Way out in the country on an old dirt road I was sippin' on a jar that was nice and cold My Chevy was a-jumpin', my music was a-pumpin' Up ahead in my path, coulda swore I saw something Well, she was long-legged with a big ol' butt Had soft blonde hair that was pretty and cut I could tell she was stuck and into some trouble She was walkin' down the ditch just shaking that bubble So I pulled up on her with my window down Said, "Hey, pretty thing, can I drive you to town?" She said, "Thank you, baby, I was dying of heat" "I ain't got a lick of water, ain't got nothin' to eat" She put her hand on my handle and I said, "Hold up" "Before you go climbing into my pickup truck" "It takes more than a smile to turn these wheels" "So before we get going, baby, here's the deal" Well, if you wanna come along with me Ain't nothing in the world for free No ass No gas, no grass, no ride If I can't smoke it and I can't poke it It better get my V8 stroking No ass No gas, no grass, no ride Well, she said, "Hell no", so I left her there She was shooting me a bird in my rearview mirror I got a few miles further down the road Then my dadgum right front tire got blowed Well, wouldn't you know? I ain't have no jack I left it in my grandpa's Cadillac I started thumbin' my way back into town That's when I flagged an old punch bug down Surprise, surprise Yeah, you know who That same damn girl I didn't give a ride to Now I said, "Baby, would you believe?" "I was comin' back to get you when a nail got me" "It's pretty damn funny meeting up like this" "I hope you ain't the kinda woman that would still be pissed" She said, "Nah, baby, it's all good" "As long as it's understood" Well, if you wanna come along with me Ain't nothing in the world for free No ass No gas, no grass, no ride If I can't smoke it and I can't poke it It better get my V8 stroking No ass No gas, no grass, no ride Well, if you wanna come along with me Ain't nothing in the world for free No ass No gas, no grass, no ride If I can't smoke it and I can't poke it It better get my V8 stroking No ass No gas, no grass, no ride