You're the Worst

My friend, I know you best But I like you anyway And a real pal tells the truth Warts and all the way Instead of a phony toast You deserve an honest roast So let's all raise a glass To my favorite pain in the ass! To Sir Toby Belch! To Sir Toby Belch! You're the worst You're a slouch A potato gone bad on the couch You're a leech And a glut And your ego's as big as your gut! Your burps are so famous They're part of your name You smell like perfume Made of whiskey and shame Let me tell ya, first That you are the worst! (You are the worst!) Who is the worst? (Toby's the worst!) A mellifluous voice As I am true knight To Sir Andrew! To Sir Andrew! You're the worst! (You're the worst!) You're a drag, can't flirt You're way out of a paper bag You're a wimp And naïve It says gullible there on your sleeve Where?! So you think you can dance But trust me, you can't You've the wit of a toad And the brain of an ant So let me tell ya, first That you are the worst! (You are the worst!) Who is the worst? (Andrew's the worst!) What a caterwauling do you keep here! For the love o' God, peace! To Maria! To Maria! You're the worst! (You're the worst!) You're the— And you've got— Actually, Maria's kinda the best I got nothing Anyone?! To Feste! To Feste! You're the worst (You're the worst!) You're a fool (Clever) And you think you're just too cool for school You're a smart-ass (Smart-ass) And a bum! (Bum-bum!) And your jokes are all pretty dumb (Now who's dumb?) You try too sincerely to please every crowd And you play the accordion, for crying out loud! (It's a beautiful instrument!) So let me tell ya, first That you are the worst! (You are the worst!) Who is the worst? (Feste's the worst!) No, I'm the worst! No, I'm the worst! Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty much the worst! Good friends have X-Ray vision They see through the mask that you wear Good friends laugh in derision To show you that they care! My masters, are you mad?! Do you make an alehouse of my lady's house? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you? To Malvolio! To Malvolio! To me? You're the worst! (You're the worst!) You're a frown And you poop every party in town You're a snab And a snitch A high-horse-ridin' son of a bitch You think just 'cause you never had any fun That everyone else shall also have none! I'm sure I'm not the first To say you're the worst! (You are the worst!) I am not the worst! (Malvolio's the worst!) He's actually the worst though You are the worst! Let's hear it for your true friends Who tell you straight to your face That you're a disgrace! Hear, hear!