When you’re 38

You wish you were a hot young thing but it’s too late.

You want to go back and be 20 again, even though you look better than you did back then, and you’re cooler than a snow cone rolling on a roller skate,

When you’re 38.

When you’re 53

You know you’re a whole lot smarter than you used to be.

You’re probably not good looking anymore but you look better than you will at 54,

So you might as well just let yourself be free

And be 53.

When you’re 69

They make a lot of dirty jokes at your expense, but that’s fine.

You probably don’t get it very much anymore but you get it more than you did at 54.

There are a lot of other lonely people who are drunk on wine

When you’re 69.

When you’re 101

You’ve been around so long all there is to do is have fun.

Be a dirty old woman, be a nasty old coot.

Everybody laughs at you and says it’s cute but you might still have a few years to spin around the sun

When you’re 101.

When you’re 202

You should have been dead for at least a hundred years now. Isn’t that true?

You’re never going to get tired of being alive and you’re always going to look like you’re 25. Old age is never going to be the death of you

Because you’re 202.