BIG DICK RANDY RETURNS

Everybody come here, gather around this fire, let me tell y'all something I ain't told y'all before

Y'all remember Big Dick Randy? (Yeah, I remember Big Dick Randy)

Alright, well, I left out a story about him that... shh, I wanna share it with y'all, man

That **** ruthless, like

He loves comin' out on major holidays, but y'all know his favorite's Halloween

But this event right here has just haunted me and haunted me and haunted me to this day

Years later, I thought I was safe

I thought I could just go to a party with my friends at my college and just chill, get some candy

Shit, but I guess not

This gon' be one of them ones, so everybody make sure y'all listenin' to what I'm sayin'

Okay, fast forward, 2021, he tried to murder me

I was at a party at my damn university

Man, it's Halloween night, and everybody masked up, strapped up

You would think we was takin' place in a burglary

Fine shit with me, her booty natural, ain't no BBL

I had put cologne all in my draws in case my pee-pee spell

I got hella **** with me, we all ready for a fun night

Ain't no way that somethin' crazy happens to our fun, right?

Man, it's the first Halloween that I've been out since Big Dick Randy

But I heard there's a party, so I'm there, and I want candy

I had text my girl and ****, I'm like, "Guys, I don't know"

They said "Randy's long gone, get ready, we gotta go"

So that's why I'm at the party, no more reminiscin'

When I saw this big monkey **** staring in the distance

Had the tracksuit, had the shoes, man, he had it all

I was just hopin' it was a **** that played basketball

He was kinda tall, 7 ft, I don't know, I was stressin'

Grabbed my girl and all my ****, started heading to the exit

I heard a deep voice, "DigBar, where you going?"

I felt every ounce of life leave my body, I was frozen

Like ****, why the fuck you back and why are you so big and black?

And why the fuck are you in a tracksuit and you don't even run no track?

Man, you know why I'm back, ****, it's a holiday

I'm about to have my fun with you in a lot of ways

Hell nah, not this again, we started runnin', bodies everywhere

If I knew he was comin' back, I woulda shot him everywhere

Steppin' over cheeks, like in the gaps, like it's a ladder drill

Doo-doo'ed on myself 'cause I was scared and my lil' bladder filled

Ran, got in the car, we lost somebody, it's my **** Kevin

But I don't give a fuck 'cause all that **** said was 6-7

Man, Randy done took everybody's butt, there was like eighty pairs

We got in the car and hit the gas, and we got outta there

Man, I was so relieved that I still had my cheeks still

Then I saw Randy runnin' fast like Tyreek Hill

Man, we was doin' 80 in the whip and he still catchin' up

Humans only run like 25, so how he catchin' us?

Then he jumped on the roof, he like, "Boo!", he was pissed off

Then he grabbed the roof with his cheeks and ripped the bitch off

Now he standin' there, his meat dangle to the dashboard

He said, "DigBar, when did you start liking fat whores?"

He grabbed fine shit by her hair and threw her in the road

Then he grabbed my other ****, took his butt, and let him go

Then he sat down in the car, he looked me in my face

There ain't no escape, every year I get that cake, ****!

Nah, nah, come sit back down, don't be scared now

Y'all begged me for this shit, y'all wanted to hear more

So why the fuck are y'all running away from the campfire when I'm telling y'all **** about it

It's some real shit, man, it's some real shit I went through

Big Dick Randy a real ****, like, he really do this shit

Like, just stay in the house, man, like, best advice I can give man

Just stay in the house, that **** Randy don't play no games

And for everybody that thinks Randy goes after kids, that **** is not going after kids, I ain't ever said that shit

But yeah, man, I'd like to call this story the "Big Dick Randy: Homecoming", man, 'cause shit, I mean, the **** came home

I mean, nobody was expecting a pop-up on him years later

And shit, he came home