Jezebel

To think of my task is chilling

To know I was carefully building the mask

I was wearing

For two years, swearing I'd tear it off

I've sat in the dark explaining

To myself that I'm straining too hard

For feelings

I ought to find

Easily

I called myself Jezebel

I don't believe

Before I say that the vows we've made

Weigh like a stone in my heart

Family is family

Don't let this tear us apart

You lie there, an innocent baby

I feel like a thief who is raiding your home

Entering and breaking and taking in every room

I know your feelings are tender

And that inside you the embers still glow

But I'm a shadow

I'm only a bed of blackened coal

Call myself Jezebel

For wanting to leave

I'm not saying that I'm replacing love

For some other word

To describe the sacred tie that bound

Me to you

I'm just saying

We've mistaken one for thousands of words

And for that mistake, I've caused you such pain

That I damn that word

I've no more ways to hide

And I'm a desolate

And empty hollow place inside

I'm not saying that I'm replacing love

For some other word

To describe the sacred tie that bound

Me to you

I'm not saying love's a plaything

No, it's a powerful word

Inspired by a strong desire to bind myself to you

How I wish that we never had tried

To be man and his wife

To weave our lives into a blindfold over both our eyes