"Ladies and Gentlemen, a Toast!"

Ladies and gentlemen, a toast

To the presidency of the United States

An office, which by its mere existence

Reassures us that the possibilities of life are limitless

An office, the mere idea of which reproaches us

When we fall short of being all that we can be

A grand and glorious office to which at least one among us

May one day aspire

Ladies and gentlemen, what can I say?

Hail to the chief!

You know, you really ought to do something about that stomach

I do everything about this stomach!

Oh, yes?

I give up wine, no good

I give up smokes, no good

I quit my work, no good

I move Miami, no good

I take appendix out, no good

Nothing no good

Nothing, nothing, nothing!

Have you considered shooting Franklin Roosevelt?

You think that help?

It couldn't hurt