I Wrote the Book

To name me Woman of the Year

Wasn't what you'd call a fluke

I understand I won it in a breeze

So, the ladies should be thrilled

Their expectations are fulfilled

As I'm broadening my field of expertise

I wrote the book on how to be cool

I wrote the book on how to be strong

I wrote the book on how to interpret the news

And never be wrong

I wrote the book on how to be tough

I wrote the book on how to be terse

I wrote the book on every subtextual phrase

In Eliot's verse

I wrote the book on how to have class

I wrote the book on how to have clout

I wrote the book on reading government pamphlets

And doping them out

So when it comes to losing a man

You'll find it unsurprisingly true

That last week

I wrote that book, too

I wrote the book

On how to be brisk

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

I wrote the book

On how to be bright

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

I wrote the book

On seeing New Delhi by day

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

And Cairo by night

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

I wrote the book

On how to be chic

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

I wrote the book

On how to be smart

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

I wrote the book

On how to evaluate trends

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

In fashion and art

I wrote the book

On how to have style

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

I wrote the book

On wisdom and wit

(Doot doo doo doot doo)

I wrote the book

On every great English statesman

(Doot doo doo doo)

From Churchill to Pitt

(Doot doo doo doo doo)

So when it comes to losing a man

(Doo, doo)

You'll find it unsurprisingly true

(Doo, doo)

That last week

I wrote that book too

So when it comes to losing a man

(Oo-oo-oo-oo-)

It should be unsurprising to you

To note that

I wrote that book too