Town Meeting Song

Listen, everyone

There were objects so peculiar, they were not to be believed

All around, things to tantalize my brain

It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen

And as hard as I try, I can't seem to describe

Like a most improbable dream

But you must believe when I tell you this

It's as real as my skull and it does exist

Here, let me show you...

This is a thing called a present

The whole thing starts with a box (A box?)

Is it steel? (Are there locks?)

Is it filled with a pox?

A pox? How delightful, a pox!

If you please...

Just a box with bright colored paper

And the whole thing's topped with a bow

A bow? (But why?)

How ugly! (What's in it? What's in it?)

That's the point of the thing, not to know!

It's a bat (Will it bend?)

It's a rat (Will it break?)

Perhaps it's the head that I found in the lake

Listen now, you don't understand

That's not the point of Christmas Land

Now pay attention

We pick up an oversized sock

And hang it, like this, on the wall

Oh yes, does it still have a foot?

Let me see, let me look

Is it rotted and covered with gook?

Um, let me explain

There's no foot inside, but there's candy

Or sometimes, it's filled with small toys (Small toys?)

Do they bite? Do they snap? Or explode in the sack?

Or perhaps they just spring out and scare girls and boys

What a splendid idea, this Christmas sounds fun

I fully endorse it, let's try it at once!

Everyone, please now, not so fast

There's something here that you don't quite grasp...

Well, I may as well give them what they want...

And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last

For the ruler of this Christmas Land

Is a fearsome king with a deep, mighty voice

'Least that's what I've come to understand

And I've also heard it told that he's something to behold

Like a lobster, huge and red!

When he sets out to slay with his rain gear on

Carting bulging sacks with his big, great arms

That is, so I've heard it said

And on a dark, cold night, under full moonlight

He flies into a fog like a vulture in the sky...

And they call him Sandy Claws

Well, at least they're excited

But they don't understand

That special kind of feeling in Christmas Land

Oh, well...