Four Days Home

I got a good deal on these reservations

Let’s take a step back and lower expectations

I’m psyched I’m gonna meet your family

Finally!

Goin’ back home...

You know it’s complicated

But we’re gonna have fun

As long as I’m sedated

Four days flat, then back to NYC

It’s just four days home

That’s about all I can take

I once stayed a week, and what a big mistake

Only four days home

Stop playing up the drama

That’s how I get in character

To hang out with my momma!

Calm down -- I got this. Your mom is going to love me

Are you sure you’re okay going there as my roommate?

We’ve talked about this. We have to start somewhere

Okay. But remember our mantra—

No politics

Got it

We’re now landin’ in historic big creek, Texas!

Enjoy your stay, and remember: everything’s bigger in Texas!

Everything?

Engagement rings off! Momma!

I got the whole town over for potluck -- everyone’s excited to see you

Brace yourself

Trent!

Momma

Have a biscuit or two

They’re beyond believin’

How’s your life? Who’s your friend?

I’m his roommate, Steven

Yes

We’re fryin’ a turduckin on the lawn

Yum

Spendin our days

Around the ping pong table

Spendin our nights

Enjoyin’ Christian cable!

Little house!

Forty-eight more hours and then we’re gone

Truly, four days home

God! I love this scene’ry

And those big blue skies

But I’ve got allergies to green’ry

Four days home

Lotsa eatin’

Lotsa prayin’

Lotsa learnin’ bout the views on the Fox News that’s always playin’

Four days home

And we’re startin’ to get nervous

‘cause we’re in the sticks and

Our cellphones can’t get service

We’re in sep’rate rooms!

The frustration starts to pile up

All our porn is on the cloud!

And it won’t come through on dial-up!

Trent honey -- rise and shine

Ooo Steven, you’re up too

We’ve been up

We’re gonna mow the lawn and fix that back porch screen today

Yes, ma’am

Don’t be silly. It’s Sunday morning, boys!

Ooh –- brunch?

No, sir...Church!

Amen!

And as good Christians, we believe the bible is god’s holy word, without error, and the sole authority for life

We believe!

And as good Christians, we believe in fellowship through acts of kindness, understanding, forgiveness, and love

We believe!

And as good Christians, we believe the word when it tells us to cast out those who have chosen the path of sin and will not repent, namely the lesbians and the sodomites!

What?!!

Steven, sit down

Did you hear that?

Yes. I heard it. We’ll talk about it later

We believe the word is true

Amen...

Trent-Michael. Well now, you’re lookin’ fine. Your daddy would be so proud. We sure do miss him

I miss him too

Trent! You seein’ anyone these days?

For years, he’s been mentioning this girl at work

Another talent agent, like him

Is that so? Hearin’ those wedding bells? You know, the last sunday in june is free on the church calendar

Yeah, I think we’re in a parade that day

It’s been four days home

And we’re in an awful state now

‘cause we’ve had enough of

Pretending that we’re straight now

Four days home

I’m a cranky adolescent

I expected more from my new anti-depressant

Me too

Four days home

I’m permanently scarred now

Four days home

Do you see why this is hard now?!?

After four days home

That sermon was appalling

And it’s time to go, ‘cause

I hear our life a-calling!

[STEWARDESS

We’re now making our final descent into LaGuardia international airport

On behalf of our crew, we’d like to welcome you to New York

Looking out I start to see the city

All the lights, well they sure are pretty

After four days home, we’re back where we belong

Back where we belong!