28 Butts

Here's a typical day in the universe

Another emcee spits a puny verse

I try to get through my day without saying a curse

Because I curse too much and such and such

I try to improve my vocabulary

I try to cut out eating meat and dairy

I wanna bring back the days of the tooth fairy

'Cause I lost my innocence

I'm young and dumb and old and wise

At the same time

'Cause I know Jesus was a rockstar

And it was Elvis who turned water into wine

Water into wine

I wanna save a kangaroo from a life in a zoo

I wanna own a llama

I want less drama in my life

I think I really wanna be a happy housewife

I got 28 butts in the ashtray

I gotta pace myself if I'm smoking like a chimney

Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied

I know you wouldn't put it past me

I really know how to party

Reminisce about the day while I'm swigging my Bacardi

28 butts in the ashtray

Because it's just me keeping myself company

I think back all the days I was smoking carawhack

It was really kinda like an addiction, non fiction

Just reading my days and nights away

I used to pray to a funny little fat man

Till I found out he was Santa Clause

'Cause Saint Nick never brought shit

And there I go cursing again

I'm my only friend and I'm definitely my very worst enemy

It kinda triggers a memory, let's bring it back to '83

When I ate a watermelon, swallowed the seeds

Suddenly there was watermelon growing in my tummy

I skipped a jump rope every time I jumped up

I heard a rattle that sounded like a tambourine

I got 28 butts in the ashtray

I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney

Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied

I know you wouldn't put it past me

I really know how to party

Reminisce about the day while I'm swigging my Bacardi

28 butts in the ashtray

'Cause it's just me keeping myself company

Hey, Mama, are you proud of me

I applied for a job at Mickey D's

I gotta do something with my life

Because my idle time is eating me

Like I'm a super-sized french fry

Drenched in ketchup, frying over patch up

But I know I taste better than that

Like they used to taste before they outlawed trans fat

I got 28 butts in the ashtray

I gotta pace myself, I'm smoking like a chimney

Another bottle of whiskey has been emptied

I know you wouldn't put it past me

I really know how to party

Reminisce about the day while I'm swigging my Bacardi

28 butts in the ashtray

Because it's just me keeping myself company