Shady Rachel (Live in London)

2, 3, 4

Ah, this a jazz tune called Shady Rachel

If you don't like jazz, then now's a good time to take five

This one for the groovy fans

Yeah, lot of people wonderin' how we got here tonight

Well, um we caught the Cole Train

Yeah, it's a great way to get from a to b flat sucks

That's right

It all started when I invited Rachel round to one of my parties

All my friends were there, Shifty, Shifty Pete, Sneaky Steven

Re-gifting David

He showed up and gave me that birthday present I gave him last year

I gave you that book

You were there, Jazzy Jim

I remember I turned up to his party, I uh, remember ringin' the doorbell

I just did a little uh

I don't even have a doorbell

I improvise it, I improvise it, I'm a jazz musician

Party was swingin' and, Long Winded Tim was channelin'

One of his meandering anecdotes and uh

Well, everyone was enjoying their soup

Well, I mean some people were enjoying it

But I have one uh, thing I keep mentioning this to him

He has these soup parties and uh

He only has one spoon

He insists everyone uses it

Why can't we just bring a spoon?

He doesn't want people to get mixed up

Says "Well, no, no, use the spoon I, got a spoon"

I only need one spoon I'm a jazz man

I know, I know (I live alone)

Well, ok, but I was hitting my next to Cole

So Eleanor and Herpes Herb, and

It was around midnight I found my spoon was missing

I thought, "Ah, there's only one person would take a man's only spoon

And that's Shady Rachel"

Might have been Thievin' Steven I, I suspect

I went round to her place, I said, "Rachel, open up the door

I want to take a look in your cutlery drawer"

And it was worst than I first anticipated

She had eight spoons in that drawer

It's a normal amount of spoons to have

Who the hell has eight spoons, man?

What the hell she do with all those spoons?

Rachel she's got six kids and she lives with her mother

She needs eight spoons

Well I found my spoon

It had the handle, the long handed part, and the scooping part

That differentiates it from afar

Ok, I'm just gonna say we just gonna make one more point

That's a very generic description of every spoon

Shady Rachel kicked me out that door

Out on the street a man without a spoon take it to F fellas

Oh, I was alone without a spoon

I just wanted some yogurt

At 3 a.m. my phone rang

It's a jazzy phone

You gonna answer this phone?

What's that, man?

You gonna answer this phone? I don't wanna hyperventilate here (Sorry)

I answered the phone

It was Shady Rachel

She said "Baby, I need your help"

I said, "What's the problem?"

She said, "There's some creepy dude in the tree outside my apartment"

I said, "Well, what's he doing?"

She said, "He's talking on his phone"

I said, "Baby, that's me"

She said, "I'm calling the police"

I said, "Yeah, you call the police, baby

What are you gonna tell them when they find all the stolen spoons?"

But she did call the police

And they showed up

Had a real jazzy siren

It turned out she called the Jazz Police

I was incarcerated for crimes against jazz

Locked up with various felonious punks

Send them off with the jazz (Yeah, alright), comin' off people here

Well, Shady Rachel, if you're listenin', baby

I got one last thing to say to you

I want my spoon back

I gotta dig my way out of here