Getting Married Today

Bless this day

Pinnacle of joy

Boy unites with boy

The heart leaps up to behold

This golden day

Today is for Jamie

Jamie, I give you the rest of my days

To cherish and to keep you

To honor you forever

Today is for Jamie

My lover, my partner, my life

Pardon me, is everybody there?

Because if everybody's there

I wanna thank you all for coming to the wedding

I'd appreciate you going even more

I mean, you must have lots of better things to do

And not a word of it to Paul

Remember Paul? You know, the man I'm going to marry

But I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin anyone as wonderful as he is

But I thank you all for the gifts and the flowers

Thank you all, now it's back to the showers

Don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today

Bless this day

Opposite of joy

Boy gets yoked to boy

The heart sinks down

And feels dead

This dreadful day

Listen everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for

A wedding, what a wedding? It's a prehistoric ritual

Where everybody promises fidelity forever

Which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of

Which is followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he'll realize

He's saddled with a nut, and want to kill me, like he should

So, listen, thanks a bunch, but I'm not getting married

Go have brunch 'cause I'm not getting married

You've been grand, but I'm not getting married

Don't just stand there, I'm not getting married

And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today

Go! Can't you go?

Why is nobody listening?

Goodbye! Go and cry

At some other person's wake

If you're quick, for a kick

You could pick up a christening

But please, on my knees

There's a human life at stake!

Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear

Or do you want to see a crazy person fall apart in front of you?

It isn't only Paul who may be ruining his life

You know, we'll both of us be losing our identities

I telephoned my shrink, and he said maybe I should come and see him Monday

But by Monday, I'll be floating in the Hudson with the other garbage

I'm not well, so I'm not getting married

You've been swell, but I'm not getting married

Clear the hall 'cause I'm not getting married

Thank you all, but I'm not getting married

And don't tell Paul, but I'm not getting married today

Bless this fool

Totally insane

Slipping down the drain

And bless this day in our hearts

As it starts to rain

Today is for Jamie

Go, can't you go?

Look, you know I adore you all

Jamie, I give you

The rest of my days

But why watch me die when I'm only being nice?

To cherish and to keep you

Look, perhaps I'll collapse in the apse right before you all

To honor you forever

So take back the cake, burn the shoes and boil the rice

Today is for Jamie

Look, I didn't wanna have to tell you but I may be coming down with hepatitis, and I'm feeling kind of faint

My lover, my partner, my life

So if you want to see me faint, I'll do it happily, but wouldn't it be funnier

For the rest of my life

To go and watch a funeral, so thank you for the 27 dinner plates and 37 salad bowls

And 47 pictures frames and 57 candle holders

One more thing (I am not getting married)

Softly said (But I'm not getting married)

With this ring (Said I'm not getting married)

I thee wed (See? I'm not getting married)

Let us pray that we are getting married today (That we aren't getting married today)

Amen!