Wasted out of my mind I'm in the

Pub with a crazy bitch from tinder

Boom

So

This guy took my phone and asked like "you wanna check this app? it's for free"

I asked "isn't crap? huh?"

He said "look, it only helps lonely folks like me

In need for love"

A couple of swipes later I'm picking up this girl from down town

Foreign language she's not from around here

We decided we'd grab a beer

What happened next wasn't even near what I expected, no

She said "open your mouth

Surprise it's acid!"

Oh shit suddenly I'm tripping balls

She said "you gotta be feeling it in your stomach"

And I said "you crazy bitch"

You gotta be kidding

I mean why would you

I should've stayed home, girl

She said open your mouth and close your eyes