Adelaides Lament

It says here in this book

The average unmarried female

Basically insecure

Due to some long frustration may react

With psychosomatic symptoms

Difficult to endure

Affecting the upper respiratory tract

In other words

Just from waiting around

For that little band of gold

A person can develop a cold

You can spray her wherever you figure

The streptococci lurk

You can give her a shot

For whatever she's got

But it just won't work

If she's tired of getting that fish-eye

From the hotel clerk

A person

Can develop a cold

It says here

The female remaining single

Just in the legal sense

Shows a neurotic tendency

See note, see note

Note

Chronic organic syndromes

Toxic and hypertense

Involving the eye

The ear and the nose and throat

In other words

Just from worrying

Whether the wedding is on or off

A person

Can develop a cough

You can feed her all day

With the Vitamin A

And the Bromo Fizz

But the medicine never

Gets anywhere near

Where the trouble is

If she's getting a kind

Of name for herself

And the name ain't "his"

A person

Can develop a cough

And further more

Just from stalling

And stalling and stalling

The wedding trip

A person

Can develop la grippe

When they get on a train For Niagara

And she can hear church bells chime

The compartment is air conditioned

And the mood sublime

Then they get off at Saratoga

For the fourteenth time

Well, a person

Can develop la grippe

La grippe, la post nasal drip

With the wheezes

And the sneezes

And a sinus that's really a pip

From a lack of community property

And a feeling she's getting too old

A person

Can develop a bad, bad cold