Christmas Tips

Hello Robby!

Hello!

Welcome home, Mr. and Mrs.

What is this? I'll tell you,

This is just a package I've been holding

It's addressed to Mrs. Goldstein

What a Co-op, what a lobby

Every slob is acting snobby

But you take a tip from Robby

You should tip your doorman

The holidays are merry

All the secrets that I carry

One slip of the lip is scary

Cuz tomorrow you're not married!

I open the door

Give kids high fives

One, two, three!

I open the door

And I watch your lives

And the things you do

So you better tip me

Cuz I watch your lives

Take a look at last year's tippin'

Many tenants were just skippin'

Out of town without no tippin'

So my lip I am unzippin'

From 8D, golly gee

Twenty dollars and some wine!

But 6C? Lousy!

I've a secret, Mrs. Klein

There's another Mrs. Klein

She is at least twenty-nine

(She's eighteen, I'm being kind)

What was going through his brain?

Next time when it's pouring rain

From this fella, no umbrella

Slip and fall, enjoy the sprain

I open the door

Give kids high fives

One, two, three!

I open the door

And I watch your lives

Your private lives

And I keep a journal

All I ever wanted was to be in the majors

Maybe play for the Yankees

Or be wealthy, in general

But then my father he got sick

And he's doing better now

I should call him, it's been weeks

But he's not good on the phone

Mister Adams, Mrs. Eve

This is your gift, I do believe

A tree planted in Tel Aviv?

For your marriage, I now grieve

You see only him and me know

Back when you were getting chemo

That nurse who was Filipino

Got knocked up with a bambino

And he shipped them off to Reno

And you should have tipped me better

At least a hundred and a sweater

Make it cashmere, there's a letter

From the nurse that would upset her

I open the door

Give kids high fives

One, two, three!

I open the door

And I watch your lives

Your private lives

Co-op, cooperate with me!