Dear Doctor

Oh, help me please, doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleepin', it's a-beatin'

Can't you please tear it out and preserve it right there in that jar?

Oh, help me please, mama, I'm sickenin'

It's today that's the day of the plunge

Oh, the gal I'm to marry is a bow-legged sow

I've been soakin' up drink like a sponge

"Don't ya worry, get dressed," cried my mother

As she plied me with bourbon so sour

Pull your socks up, put your suit on, comb your long hair down

For you will be wed in the hour

So help me please, doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

I'm sleepin', it's beatin'

Can't you please take it out and preserve it right there in that jar?

Yep

Oh, help me please, doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleepin', it's a-beatin'

Can't you please tear it out and preserve it right there in that jar?

I was tremblin' as I put on my jacket

It had creases as sharp as a knife

I put the ring in my pocket, but there was a note

And my heart, it jumped into my mouth

It read, darling, I'm sorry to hurt you

But I've no courage to speak to your face

But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou

There'll be no weddin' today

So help me please, doctor, I'm damaged

You can put back my heart in its hole

Oh, mama, I'm cryin' tears of relief

And my pulse is now under control

Yeah