Haunt Me

Look, I won't pretend I understand it babe, the afterlife and all But as you died you promised me that you would try to write or call And I've been waiting ever since Every Sunday I hold séances with like-minded adults And roll your corpse into the living room And try and find your pulse and then repine at the results I've even got my windowsills lined up with ultraviolet bulbs Shrunken shrines of human skulls and other signs of the occult But now I'm at a fucking loss, 'cause honey, nothing seems to work Like I've been astrally projecting my body beyond my dreams Through the fabric of space and time So you could me spot me at the seams I ventured through the upside-down, hoping you caught me in between But maybe if you've got the tech Then you could haunt me on my screens Like you should infiltrate my news feed I swear no one would notice You could float beside some bogus BuzzFeed quiz about the POTUS Be a pixelated phantom-ghost On clickbait propaganda posts And dictate what you're thinking through a catchy headline Like "One weird reason why it's great to be ethereal" Or "Twenty signs you're dead now and your soul is immaterial" Or if it's late at night then you could swoop in from the Shadow Realm And talk to me through pop-up ads that show up over adult films On anything you're into, we could start with milf or facial You could beam your interspatial spirit into interracial If you're feeling sorta formal, we could pizza date on Skype And I could call the coroner over n' we could share the corner slice When it's time to go to bed, then we could leave our cameras on And if the netherworld has one day shipping free on Amazon Then you could slumber as you ship yourself I swear this shit delivers quick Or send me the address and I could meet you by the River Styx I'd Twitter beef with Namtar by the Tigris and Euphrates I could snap you while I'm snagging sacred threads of life from Hades I would loot Duat and photocopy-pirate the papyrus Change the records and then have a Facebook flamewar with Osiris And either way, I can't wait to talk or reunite I've been so lonely since you died I've tried to walk towards the light And if the gods of death oppose our harmless want to reconvene Then maybe we could sneak you by 'em if you haunt me through a screen It's been far too long that you and I have been alone You could rectify that if you haunt me through my phone No, I don't want to deal with Voodoo dolls and figurines I could do without them if you'd haunt me through my screen I'm just frustrated I guess I've hung out in countless graveyards, drawn pentagrams And slaughtered goats, and even took a course on hunting Ghosts from Pentecostal folks but never once have gotten close Last month I sat with local psychics and their crystal jewels And tried to find my old T-Mobile Sidekick phone from middle school Just so maybe if you're bored of fortune-telling tarot cards and Magic words then you could tweet a hundred-forty characters so I could throw away my Voodoo dolls and stop chanting my Juju mantras That my guru taught us and if you slide into some YouTube comments You could scroll the comment page or you could leave it blank If your specter is perceptible we'd tell 'em it's a prank And if you still don't send responses, I'd assume the problem's technical And I would call Verizon just so someone could inspect it all I'd tell him I just want a close encounter of the spectral kind He'd ask if I turned on our modem-router for a second time And plugged it in correctly to the voltage-power-socket-line And tried to tear a portal hole through to your paranormal soul So me and you could catch up on a toll-free spirit-mortal call Or we could see a witch doctor, she'd prolly be skeptical Clinician with a stethoscope, the specimen non-skeletal The symptoms metaphysical, the convalescent soulless At first her diagnosis could be: we should try hypnosis But truthfully, if you can choose that way you're reborn I hope you use the 3G phone and you eschew the Ouija board And at this point, I don't really know why I learned ESP for When you could just descend and settle in my USB port Or my Nvidia GeForce or my video AV cord There's no need for Santa Muerte, when I've got a QWERTY keyboard We could play a game of e-sports, you and I'd be on a team And if you're feeling otiose, I'll put my audio on stream I'll still have your favorite games babe, I've got 'em all on Steam We'll get started when you're ready Once you haunt me through a screen It's been far too long that you and I have been alone You could rectify that if you haunt me through my phone No, I don't want to deal with Voodoo dolls and figurines I could do without them if you'd haunt me through my screen