Put Some Ukulele in Your Day

When punk was king I bought a ukulele,

No-one played one then, not like today.

Now like a bell-end, or a blog on Face Tweet,

Every dick has got one so they say.

I played it with that old five finger shuffle

Learned from manipulation of my dong.

When I stood up before a crowd

They'd all shout wanker! right out loud,

Which gave me inspiration for a song.

(and) No-one can resist

A swift one off the wrist

That's when I heard everybody say Hey!

If you need a reason to be cheerful

Pluck, pluck, pluck your plucking cares away... Hey!

And put some ukulele in your day

I put a record out, the Beeb they banned it

They said it was injurious to health

Mrs Mary Whitehouse went bananas

(There's a) joke in there, just make it up yourself.

But Bishop bashin's always been in fashion

So it went spurting up the hit parade.

And now there's wankers worse than me

In parliament and on TV

So get a grip and do not be dismayed.

It's time to take a stand

Give yourself a hand.

And that's when you'll hear everybody say..... Hey!

If you need a reason to be cheerful

Pluck, pluck, pluck your plucking cares away ....Hey!

And put some ukulele in your day