Funkbot 10,000

The scientists at CERN Were violently divided Is it pronounced 'gwee-dance' Or is it pronounced 'gwhy-dance'? Physically fightin' round The Large Hadron Collider When suddenly a sound Comes rumblin' from inside her The boss of science opens up the lid And from within a metal thing Comes out with arms and legs and shit It pokes a trumpet from its head Opens up its mouth and says (Trumpet noises) FunkBot Ten thousand (I'm a funky robot) He travelled here through time and space To fix the shit that needs sorting FunkBot Ten thousand (Obey the funk) The scientists put down their fists And all take up the jazz organ Two wicked criminials Doing the unthinkable Robbing a civilian The pinnacle of pitiful He's acting tough but they call his bluff Saying "Give us your stuff or we'll kill you and stuff" But suddenly a sound comes from behind A funky riff giving perfect time (Trumpet noises) FunkBot Ten thousand (I'm a funky robot) The thugs became masseuses and Both gave the man a nice facial FunkBot So arousing (Obey the funk) Just plug him in and you'll see all His sexy hip thrust gyrations (Funky Robot Noises) When life gets tough and causes you to fret If you're feeling overwhelmed by insurmountable consumer debt Don't fret on taxes, don't stress with rent bills FunkBot's got saxes in place of his genitals (Trumpet noises) (Get down!) FunkBot Ten thousand (I'm a funky robot) Thank you, FunkBot, that lick was nice But do you have any actual financial advice? FunkBot FunkBot? (Funk. Funky. Funk.) A man lies dying on the floor He's broken ten ribs, maybe more FunkBot to the rescue, damn That's one hell of a funky jam! (Funk) FunkBot Funk Robot, please, I'm dying Do you have any... any kind of medical equipment? (I'm a funky robot) Don't pull out a marimba! (FunkBot) I don't need a marimba in here. I don't need any kind of other instrument! Help! Argh, it hurts (FunkBot) This is not how I was expecting to go out. With a creepy-ass robot just dancing next to my corpse. Could you at least look me in the eye when I'm dying? Ugh damn, geeze Louise! Who even made you? Are you, you like, part of a race? Of other funk robots? Who, you-you just stand there Argh god, my spleen! Who just stand there while People are dying from spleen and rib injuries? That's not okay! I'm not, I'm not okay with this funk robot. Just, take a look at yourself as a species!