Rageless Hope

When I was 17, my only dream was cashin' the checks

Sick of collect calls and withdrawals was a cause and effect

'Til mom interjects, "Sorry boo, your father's calling you

To follow up to say he never follows through," what a mess

Smoke a bowl and say, "What's goin' on?"

Callin' from a burner phone, I know he goin' through it

I can tell because his tone is off

He asks me, "How is college? Prolly get your masters instead of owning your masters

You gon' waste your knowledge if you don't act fast

Ungrateful bastard, you need to take action to get back to your classes

Opportunities pass and everything in moderation and due time

You'll do fine"

He still havin' mood swings off the moonshine

I rather pay my dues in music, movies, fashion

Instead of stolen Buick's and hoopty crashin'

In fact, I ain't been to church in a minute

The hourglass been tickin', I been trippin' off the shroomies and acid

Lackin' the vision, the head on collision with myself though

And reflectin' on all this shit I planned out

Oh, oh

You would never hear a seed push through the ground

Oh, oh

You would never hear a seed push through the ground

I wish I told you I hate you for leaving, but that would mean I used to love you

How could I give love to a person that only gave me trouble?

'Course you gave me life and supported me for a stretch

Even fought for me in the courts when you knew you wasn't the best

But at best, we'll make amends, and at sixty, you'll be my friend

'Cause this spot of father's been taken since before my mama's death

I give portions of me (What's left?) Liquor poured (Like it's a test)

I am more than what you named me, I'm sorry

Damor been dead since the day I came to realize that you ain't never got your shit together

I fuckin' hope I get my shit together

Disgusted with the semblance that we share, feelings mixed together

Life has been a bitch, but we still left up in this bitch together

Mom would want it, that's after all the nonsense and violence you put her through

'Cause she was motherfucking awesome

Otherwise, these feelings wouldn't be talkin'

I'm trying love and acceptance, so pick it up when I call

Vegas

Oh, oh

You would never hear a seed push through the ground

Oh, oh

You would never hear a seed push through the ground

Ayy, yeah-ayy

Lost a lot of light and couldn't find me that bright side

My life's a struggle when every day movin' double

But I been stuck on why she claim I’m her lifeline

I never know what I should do

So I'ma go and pour a drink for this call, watching the walls

When everything in moderation slips and it falls, dipped and involved

She say she facing 21, but didn't do it

That's about the time it took to notice me, so what you doin'?

I got missed calls, missed texts, I ain't appreciate it

Got me smokin' lonely, inebriated

I had to go and beat the betas, mind becomin' alpha

I only smoke for that nostalgia

And the reasons to live are getting stronger for me

I tried to smoke a little less, the days were longer for me

Never knew if I could make it out the gutter, I did that

A couple broken memories, I'm never gon' miss that

Real change, it always sounds so quiet

You would never hear a seed push through the ground

Real change, it always sounds so quiet

You would never hear a seed push through the ground

Real change

It always sounds so quiet (Ohh)

You would never hear a seed push through the ground