Why Can't the English?

Look at her, a prisoner of the gutters

Condemned by every syllable she utters

By right, she should be taken out and hung

For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue

Aow

Aow

Heavens, what a sound

This is what the British population

Calls an elementary education

Come, sir, I think you picked a poor example

Did I?

Hear them down in Soho square

Dropping Hs everywhere

Speaking English anyway they like

Hey, you sir, did you go to school?

What do ya tike me for, a fool?

But no one taught him "take" instead of "tike"

Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse

Hear a Cornishman converse

I'd rather hear a choir singing flat

Chickens cackling in a barn

Just like this one

Garn

Garn

I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?

It's "aow" and "garn" that keep her in her place

Not her wretched clothes and dirty face

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

This verbal class distinction, by now, should be antique

If you spoke as she does, sir, instead of the way you do

Why, you might be selling flowers, too

I beg your pardon

An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him

The moment he talks, he makes some other Englishman despise him

One common language I'm afraid we'll never get

Oh, why can't the English learn to

Set a good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?

The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears

There even are places where English completely disappears

Well, in America they haven't used it for years

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks are taught their Greek

In France, every Frenchman knows his language from A to Zed

The French don't care what they do, actually, as long as they pronounce it properly

Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning

The Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening

Use proper English, you're regarded as a freak

Oh, why can't the English

Why can't the English

Learn to speak?