Stitches Parody

I am pretty and 17 I have no clue what heartbreak even means But I made this song about it After my girl dumped me that cold hearted witch What was that? It felt like I just got punched You're ex-girlfriend sent me to kick your butt! She said make sure he needs to get stitched up That hurts! She took this song too literally I meant stitches metaphorically Wasn't it enough that she left me? Now she wants me to bleed Who is that hitting me? Here's a clue, I say "You can't see me!" I wrestle men in big arenas Um are you John Cena? Yep! What did I do to deserve this? On her birthday you got her nothing you dick Instead you got yourself this car I needed to look more badass And that's why I'm kickin' your ass Someone save me from this wrestle dude! Now you'll learn the power for the Dark Side Don't tell me my ex also sent you That's right Remember on this past Christmas Day You got her nothing you must pay Instead you got that dumb jacket Hey I look badass in it How dare you be so selfish! Ouch! Stop that! She was being a bitch You see the power of The Force now Who's poking my ass? Ow! Twas me Harry Potter Your ex girlfriend is my witch daughter I'm gonna take my broom from Quidditch And beat your butt with it Valentine's Day's coming Got to turn this pain to loving This brutal violence is senseless I must save Shawn Mendes