Beholder

I'm falling off again - guess I need to lean on kinder friends I'm looking for the sign just to feel that I'm better Thinking of the times when we worked well together In the white noise, in the bedroom where I sleep Helps drown out thoughts that I can't keep I've been helpless here for weeks When am I ever gonna have it all? Feeling like I'll never climb over the wall You never wanted to let go Of the things that helped us grow Hoping for the right way I'm hoping that I'll find something right for me It will come one day when I can trust myself But for now I'll have to wait to see Thinking of you Taking it in stride Living life inside Isn't it so nice Waiting for it all to die Taking my time to break the patterns and the cycles Gotta stop this constant loop before it's too late I never thought that life could feel this dull Maybe in the end I will feel better if I wait And for now I'll leave it for another day Call my friends and see what they all have to say But for now I'll have to find another way out Asking if I even really want to stay