Crazy Rap

Wait a minute, man, hey, check this out, man (Tell it)

It was this blind man, right?

It was this blind man, right?

He was feelin' his way down the street with this stick, right? (Yeah)

Hey, he walked past this fish market, you know what I'm sayin'?

He stopped, he took a deep breath, he said, "Woo, good morning, ladies"

You like that shit, man? (That's pretty good)

Hey, man, I got a gang of that shit, man

I tell you what, my man on the guitar, fool on the drums

Ayy, everybody just crowd around the mic

I'll tell you all these mutherfuckin' jokes

But first, I'ma start it off like this

Hey, help me sing it, homeboy, c'mon, sing

Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags

Baby, that's all we need

We can go to the park after dark

Smoke that tumbleweed

As the marijuana burns, we can take our turns

Singing them dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong

And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong

So roll, roll, roll my joint

Pick out the seeds and stems

Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale

Skatin' on Dayton rims

So roll, roll the '83

Cadillac Coup de Ville

If my tapes and my CDs just don't sell

I bet my Caddy will

Well, it was just sundown in a small white town

They call it Eastside Palmdale (Well)

When the Afroman walked through the white land

Houses went up for sale (Hell)

Well, I was standin' on the corner sellin' rap CDs

When I met a little girl named Jan (Jan)

I let her ride in my Caddy 'cause I didn't know her daddy

Was the leader of the Ku Klux Klan

We fucked on the bed, fucked on the floor (Woo)

Fucked so long, I grew a fuckin' afro

Then I fucked to the left (Left), fucked to the right (Right)

She sucked my dick 'til the shit turned white

I thought to myself, "Sheba, Sheba!"

Got my ass lookin' like a zebra

I put on my clothes and I was on my way

Until her daddy pulled up in a Chevrolet

And so I ran, I jumped out the back window

But her daddy, he was waitin' with a two-by-four

Oh, he beat me to the left, he beat me to the right

The motherfucker whooped my ass all night (Damn)

But I ain't mad at her prejudiced dad

That's the best damn pussy I ever had

I got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine

I'ma fuck that bitch just one more time

Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags

Baby, that's all we need, c'mon

We can go to the park after dark

Smoke that tumbleweed (Uh)

And as the marijuana burns, we can take our turns

Singing them dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong

And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong

So roll, roll, roll my joint

Pick out the seeds and stems

Feelin' high as hell flyin' through Palmdale

Skatin' on Dayton rims

So roll, roll the '83

Cadillac Coup de Ville

If my tapes and my CDs just don't sell

I bet my Caddy will (Uh)

I met this lady in Hollywood (Hollywood)

She had green hair, but damn she looked good (Yeah)

I took her to my house 'cause she was fine

But she whipped out a dick that was bigger than mine

I met this lady from Japan

Never made love with an African

I fucked her once (Once), I fucked her twice (Twice)

I ate that pussy like shrimp fried rice

Don't be amazed at the stories I tell ya (Tell ya)

I met a woman in the heart of Australia

Had a big butt and big titties, too

So I hopped in her ass like a kangaroo

See, I met this woman from Hawaii

Stuck it in her ass, and she said, "Aye!"

Lips was breakfast, pussy was lunch

Then her titties busted open with Hawaiian Punch

Met Colonel Sanders wife in the state of Kentucky

She said, "I'll fry some chicken if you just fuck me"

I came in her mouth, it was a crisis (What happened?)

I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices

Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags

Baby, that's all we need, c'mon (Uh)

We can go to the park after dark

Smoke that tumbleweed (Uh)

And as the marijuana burns, we can take our turns

Singing them dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong (Ayy, wait a minute man)

And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong (Check this out, ayy, uh)

I met Dolly Parton in Tennessee (Tennessee)

Her titties were filled with Hennessey (Hennessey)

That country music really drove me crazy

But I rode that ass and said, "Yes, Miss Daisy!"

Met this lady in Oklahoma ('Homa)

Put that pussy in a coma (Yeah)

Met this lady in Michigan

I can't wait 'til I fuck that bitch again

Met a real black girl down in South Carolina

Fucked her 'til she turned to a white albino

Fucked this hooker in lowa

I fucked her on credit (What?), so I owe her

Fucked this girl, down in Georgia (Yeah)

Came in her mouth, man, I thought I told ya

Met this beautiful sexy ho

She just ran 'cross the border of Mexico

Fine young thing, said her name's Maria (Maria)

I wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla (What?)

I want to get married, but I can't afford it

I know I'ma cry when she get deported

Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags

Baby, that's all we need

We can go to the park after dark

Smoke that tumbleweed (Uh)

And as the marijuana burns, we can take our turns

Singing them dirty rap songs

Stop and hit the bong like Cheech and Chong (Ayy, wait a minute, man)

And sell tapes from here to Hong Kong (Ayy, fuck that shit, uh)

Have you ever went over a girl's house to fuck

But the pussy just ain't no good? (Say what?)

I mean, you're getting' upset 'cause you can't get her wet

Plus you in the wrong neighborhood?

So you try to play it off and eat the pussy

But it takes her so long to cum (Say what?)

Then a dude walk in, that's her big boyfriend

And he asks you where you from (Where you from, man?)

So you wipe your mouth and you try to explain (I don't bang)

You start talkin' real fast

But he already mad 'cause you fuckin' his wife

So he starts beatin' on your ass, huh

Now your clothes all muddy, your nose all bloody

Your dick was hard, but now it's soft (What?)

You thought you had a girl to rock your world

Now you still gotta go jack off (Yee-haw)

Said, Colt 45 and two Zig-Zags

Baby, that's all we need (We out)

We can go to the—