DISCOrDANCE

It's late, 10 pm I'm headed to a party I took the car from mommy, I can't afford mine I got a shoulder to crime on I'm wearing my shoulder holster, my gun sleeps there I'm driving, I check the glass, but I keep staring at who I am I tear the realview mirror off and I throw it on the tarmac I'm nervous, I sip to look sober, it calms me My armpit is literally fire Full of drops, no one brought water I smell gunpowder, I'm sweating bullets I'm at the crossroad and each clock tick sounds louder I check the magazines, too much liquids I stopped to take a leak then I restarted the engine Wheels start to spin, I get phone called "Sorry, two minutes, I got stucked" Traffic lies, but the red is in my pupil I turn it off, I don't want to be annoyed Lots of smoke around me, the pipe exhausts during all the trip I'm shaking, maybe for the cold, maybe I got tension My fame is about to blow in this nation I arrive at the place, my hands feel the warmth I park next to the exit door I fix my tie, the jacket, I drink once more I breath the pipe, I hide the magazines and my phone Get in the place, shake some hands, kiss someone, but I can't dance I met my friends, I can't wait to see 'em dead How long will it take, I don't know The show starts as soon as the chorus takes stage When I'm at the disco I never whisper my discord (I free it) Nod to the notes but soon you'll all intone the same tone When I'm at the disco I never whisper my discord (I free it) Nod to the notes but soon you'll all intone the same tone I show you a secret, just don't call your man, you laying our plan I get my hands red but you lend me the bullets I show you a secret, just don't call your man, you laying our plan I get my hands red but you lend me the bullets Moon is up, my mood is fucked Where's my fucking phone, I gotta see the time Maybe I overslept, there's blood flowing 'till my chest Ok let's start again It's very late, 9 pm The party was yesterday, I woke up in my car, but I'm at my lair But I drank too much, I still feel lairy I'll tell you my intentions 'cause my interactions are burnt in flames The lure of fate is you can't create, you don't have to explain All happens 'cause so it was made Yesterday I felt like a gunmage, die was cast Tux, aftershave, I bought a gun to put crosses and share some faith I drove to the place I drank, the clock, I pissed, someone called, "I'm stucked" I turned off, the disco, last look, I went in I hate to do the maths, where you just need a line to become negative Maybe I got beat to death, somehow I beat death It was my performance, those bummies This was my best hat trick from my top asset Dad left, my mom and I rot in our place I took the gun, I hid the magazines but the gun was empty I just wanted to act bossy "Pal I'm gonna pin your head like a post it" I kept drinkin', there was a girl, I told her to give me some booze I don't even like discos, all my life has been blues I drank drank, 'till everything blurred I need informations, I found my phone I turn it on, I got twelve lost calls My mom she called me she told me "Honey, come back home" (I free it) I lied about the traffic Reality was I was just about to start the matinee Guilt hits, I found the hidden magazines It's time to do the right thing Close your eyes, and breath Wait didn't mom noticed I'm parked here? Wind blows, it's cold, I phoned home but seems like no one's around I load the gun, I hid it, I clean my nose with my sleeve then I stand I'm walking I can see the window open, mom's there, maybe she fell asleep No one's around: it's late and tomorrow is monday I rang the neighbour, I don't have my keys Wait, someone might've broken in, I run The guy sees me and says my boyfriend beat me up I tell him to get lost quick, I lay a barrier between us I can't wait for the elevator, I rush the stairs These steps are hard, I'm panting I find the door, I knock, no one comes I go to the owner I say I lost my keys, he's scared He says I need a doctor, he's an ass and I can't show the gun Window opened with such a wind I'm paranoid and my nose bleeds I'm about to free We get to my place, he opens the door, I ask him to leave I call for my mom, I go to her room There she's haning from the lamp I click the pistol and Shit I forgot a detail I got the gun, but I was afraid I bought blank bullets just to intimidate My nose bleeds, the window is there The widow is hanged, the son is on the edge Wait, my mom, she left a text "I called my son, he said he was stucked in the traffic It's sad 'cause he got no driving license, I feel powerless Cops can't find him, don't waste your time I've been an awful mom, love to my son We'll meet again with his dad Send this to the prison where he's held" All this time my ass was in the car I'm driving crazy when the owner comes in "You forgot the keys again and I think I heard shooting" He sees us, he shits himself The letter, he's talking, my father was caught He shot a cashier 'cause mommy had no money for medical visits They wanted me to live, I aim at him, I laugh He's crying goddamm, he's saying he helped us We never paid rent, he gifted us some comfort He never wanted anything back One thing I gotta admit, then nothing more His story might be less embarassing than The reason my mom can't touch the floor It was all in my head The shootings, the body thumps The shells, nothing was real but the booze Third week, it's 3 am We told the police mom hanged herself That night I was beaten to death they took my phone and my pocket And I'm sorry but every night I'm drank This shit got bubbles, soon they'll blow up to my face Those shots hit hard, I still feel soured I don't cut myself no more so it flows for more hours This therapy is like paying rides not to spoil your new car And the carsick is a cursin Everytime I puke my soul looks dirty You can't cheer with something you call booze These bottles serve me, but they give the orders Liquor is hard to hold, I'm stucked in a labyrinth Maybe we're too weak? I'm bendt by these blendings, I can't stick to the recipe I bawled my pain, I striked down ten bottles like they were pins I suffer, these alcohols fill my ache holes, but my livin' is sliced I wonder who sips more, this hunch or I? It's a puddle of power where we drown till we stop We fix the deed, and it becomes a puddle of powder where we round This loop can't stop, I'm a mill for my melancholy I dont want your attentions anymore This war trend became a worn defect, not a warm defense Fighting an addiction is like walking barefoot You feel cold at every step you take Nothing that's left, I paid to bang I didn't know the price would be my mom hanged But the problem is not who I became The problem is going back to whoever I was before that place I still feel out the rythm and despite tempo goes on I just follow the tenth pot, that's what I crave The best part of being sober is that you can lie One drops two drops, it's an alignement I don't know why but I still hide those blank bullets Even if I damped the gun in a camp I'd love to go to my dad, but if I told him the truth I dont know how he could react and if I lied to him How could I after all he did to give us a stable rent? Hi, I'm detective Egnarts And I've been working on your mother's suicide I got your file here and we analyzed all the clues, the leads And the version you told us matched with the witness, sir Yrot Seslaf The asian man identified as the owner of your place Now, before moving on I'd like you to answer a few last Sir wait, please What is it? You feeling good, sir? Are you ok? What do you mean? Your voice sounds strange, are you ok, sir? What's wrong with my voice sir Wait, wait, don't say my name please, don't say my name What's wrong with my voice? Actually nothing, I'm just feelin nervous It's a really, it's, it's a tough situation Ok, well that's something I wanted to ask 'Cause we found this letter among the clues And we noticed two little details Details, it's said details sir Details It's not details Details, that's what I said Oh ok, sorry, sorry, sorry, it's just, sorry I'm just overthinkin too much, sorry sorry And we noticed two little details First of all, it says "Love to my son" and the name part Has been torn off, there's no name, was it you? Yes, it was me but I can explain Wait, wait, keep calm There's another detail Your mom said you took her car without any driving license And then you turned off the phone because you were going somewhere Now here's a picture of the car Do you agree that this is your mom's car and By consequence the car you personally drove The night everything happened? I do agree but please I can explain Ok, go on, do you want a battle or war? Excuse me? Do you want a bottle of water? Oh ok, sorry sorry sorry, I'm fine thanks So, uhm, I went to a party, some of my friends saw me And I'm sure they can witness At a certain point I was going back to my car and I got beat There were like three or four people but I didn't see them I didn't see them, I swear You are not a kid anymore sir, why didn't you tell your mom? I mean, how do I tell mom "Hey I'm taking your car without any license 'Cause I gotta go to a party at 10 pm?" Well then you and your mom weren't that comfortable together Who tells me that it wasn't you That you just killed her and then made up a suicide scene? I mean, I mean are you serious? It's my mom, it's my mom, she's my blood, I'm his blood Her blood Anyway, I'm her blood Well we found blood in the car you drove as well Please, you gotta believe me Look sir, there's something I'm not getting Because you get beat to death And they just get your pocket and your phone But they don't get your car It sounds a little bit awkward to me and to us I swear, I don't know why, you gotta believe me Ok, let's say I believe you, why was this so important for you? I just wanted to be my friends This time I didn't get what you said To be with my friends, sorry I got confused You know, I work for a misery during the whole day And I can't afford a license or a car and I wanted to have a good time Well, it wasn't that good, was it? Are you rubbing it in? You feeling good sir? I said nothing You said "it wasn't that good, was it?" I swear I heard that Look sir, PTSD is something completely normal after such experience It can happen that you hear or see something that's not real Besides other things Some psychologists analyzed the name part of the letter As a symbol of self hate due to what happened I just wanna tell you that we all make mistakes Now, I wanna help you. You got two choices Go to a court for tefth and unlicensed driving And other stuff that we could get to But that would also mean paying an attorney And other stuff I wouldn't suggest Or you can book for a psychology course That the precinct will tell you about It's your choice, sir Can I have some time alone please? Sure, just one last thing We found some blank bullets in your place. Got something to say? My dad would use those to rob and get us some money to survive When he got caught That was the only thing left to remind me what he did for me The only thing that I stare to think about the right thing to do To say Because there's a man in this world that gave his life To assure mine and my mom's And one's already gone, so now it's just me Well I agree with that Actually there is a cashier that gave his life So that three other people could live, ye, I agree What? I said nothing sir Anyway, you know, that's what I thought when I read your file But then I thought Why would life give that man a real bullet When he was face to face with that cashier? I don't know My mother was pregnant, he knew that money wouldn't be enough So he might have lost control for a moment And he did what he didn't have to And you know what? I'm sure this is the real reason Because my dad was not a monster He was my dad, I carry no shame for what he did I carry it for what I did And those blank bullets are all that's left now Mind your tones, kid It was just a ordinary question, sir So, feel free to take your time, we'll be outside Something new, Detective? Do you want a coffee? Everything seemed ok, Yrev, his life is a trouble He resembles someone Is he the guy whose father killed the cashier? I'm not good at remembering faces Yes it's him Oh, I read the folder His father loved blues music but he faced many problems May I say we should keep an eye on his son, Detective? No that's exaggerating He's a good boy I honestly feel like I should go talking to his dad about this He's too weak to do it I should do something to help him Instead of making theories about his mental health The psychology course will take care of that, I'm sure Detective, I don't want to set up a debate, but that's against the law I'll explain myself better Maybe he didn't tell his father for a purpose Or 'cause he doesn't want to You should have his permission before moving on, Detective I mean, nothing against your autorithy, but Yrev, I'm a dad too I know what he's feeling now He loves his dad, he carries shame for what he did He's hiding, that's his purpose But it's his dad He'd love him even if he had made the craziest thing known to mankind He just doesnt realize it 'Cause he hasn't had his dad near since he was born It's been about twenty three years pal Exactly Detective, you're right, he's twenty three I dont' want to question your expertise But he's old enough to think with his head He tried once and his mom committed suicide Well, Detective, you're right I apologize Look, I want to help him, he's a good man You're still young You'll learn that there are human beings before rules Before a death sentence, before a court I gotta make the difference to show the value of justice Honestly I don't know what else to expect from this world, Detective I mean I could sound rude and I truly apologize for this But I wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow he ran crazy And went to the nearest place shooting to someone Like his dad did You can't predict life Also, I think we should look for a witness in his place It looks strange that only these two people were up that night Someone might be hiding, they might have seen something You're so paranoid Maybe you should book for the course as well I guess you can't predict future But as man of justice, I gotta do my best to keep that chance away So I'll do what's better I'm sure you will, Detective, as usual Hey, tell me something Sure Detective, anything How does my voice sound? Ehm... As usual I'd say. Nothing strange. It's completely normal. Why? Doesn't matter, I just think sometimes I should quit smoking Well that's a choice of yours Detective I'm no one to define what's good or not for your health See you, Yrev May I ask for a favor as well, Detective? Sure Could you turn off the air conditioner, please? It's really noisy and it's getting a little bit too cold in here I can't focus and I want to flash the world with my whole abilities As you want Thanks, Detective Sorry for bothering Very kind of you See you Look at you, sitting there with your shaky voice Your paints, you're an anwful actor You feel smart, but as everyone like you You walked on the smallest hole that will crack your ice 'Cause if you want someone to really believe you You don't gotta force what you want him to believe You gotta mask it If I gifted you a car with a scratch on the steering wheel You would hug me but you'll keep in mind that detail If I gifted you a car with no steering wheel, but covered You'll have to wait for the moment You'll take the blanket off to notice it And by that moment I'll be away Probably alone because I treat everyone the same way Recalling that little fragment of time Where you hugged me thinking That I made you an extremly valuable gift You would never expect that it was probably false And had no steering wheel, 'cause it was covered And so I could feel your real affection Doesn't matter if you hate me or not in general In that moment you'll be surprised by my gift And even for a second, your hug would hold some feeling in it I'm smarter than you, I'm smarter than your dear Detective But no one sees it and that's my strength point And before saying that I'm a bad person That I'm awful, that I play people Think why I had to cover my imperfections Rather than showing the flaws Would you make it till here if it was all natural? I mean, actually this is natural So? Yes? Sure That's what everyone says That's what everyone stands for 'Till they don't find someone they love away from them And they realize they'll have to stick to people like me Or that everything they stood for was useless Since it has been a false opinion since the start And so you'll end up agreeing with my words Or in a worse case, or best, it's your choice You'll load your gun and I can guess where you'd be headed to You know, most people don't even want to hurt anyone They're just looking for a feeling, for that adrenaline That gun of theirs might be loaded with blank bullets Because when a problem is personal You gotta blow the explosive inside But you don't need the bullet to come outside It has to hit you in your inner part And what's better than blank bullets for that? You'll feel awful, and in that moment you'll be asking for help Before relying on the technique I just told you about And amongst all the people you'll run to, there will be so many "There are two kinds of people" "There are three kinds of people in this world"-lifewrecked experts They just stare the world "analyzin'" So big of a word for what they really do, their own reality Since they live in a world where they are a god moving the puppets Basing their knowledge Another big word for someone like that, on simple things It's not even enough to call them ideas "Everyone using social medias Is sticking to a trend and needs attentions" "If you help someone and then that person disappoints you You should've expected that" "You can do whatever you want I'm no one to define what's good or not for your health" This is one of my favorites And last but not least "I don't expect anything from people, they are all the same I'm good alone, everyone is false" They might also take the blame for something 'Cause they want to look responsible They just need attentions They are lonelier than you and I will ever be My dear painty kid sitting in that room The best part is seeing them arguing It's a fight to who looks Because they are not feeling like that, more bored, lackadaisical Talking as if they already knew all the words that are being spoken Well, actually that might be real since they all say the same things What a disappointement I hope I don't cause something like that with my monologues I would blame it on me honestly, ye But I know it will happen Reality is that it doesn't matter how much you stick to people You can't learn their real emotions You'll find yourself in a paradox Depending on how long your walk will last When it gets to me My path has been long enough to say that There are three kinds of people in your world The ones watchin' through a mirror In my case it's a one way's and I'm observing human failure Actually, wow I wonder which model is yours and who or what you stare at The ones who are still wondering how I scratched a steering wheel And the ones that didn't make it 'till here 'Cause they left for the nearest gun shop