The Worst Pies In London (Live)

A customer!

Oh, wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?

You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost

For a minute, can't you sit? Sit you down, sit

All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did you come here for a pie, sir?

Do forgive me if my act's a little vague

Oh! What is that? Might you think we have the plague?

From the way that people keep avoiding

No, you don't! Heaven knows I try, sir

But there's no one comes in even to inhale

Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can hardly blame them

These are probably the worst pies in London

I know why nobody cares to take them

I should know, I bake them

The good? No, the worst pies in London

Even that's polite, the worst pies in London

If you doubt it, take a bite, go on

Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it

It's nothing but crusty spit

Here, drink this, you'll need it

The worst pies in London

And no wonder with the price of meat

What it is, when you get it

Never thought I'd live to see the day

Men would think it was a treat

Finding poor animals, boys dying in the street

Mrs. Moody has a pie shop

Does a business, but I notice something weird

Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared

Have to hand it to her, what I call enterprise

Popping pussies into pies, wouldn't do in my shop

Just the thought of it's enough to make me sick

And I'm telling you, them pussy cats is quick

No denying, times is hard, sir

Even harder than the worst pies in London

Only lard and nothing more

Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty

It looks like it's molting and tastes like...

Well, pity a woman alone

With limited wings

And the worst pies in London

Oh, sir, times is hard, times is hard