Kills Me To Be Kind

I woke up alone and I looked at my phone And you called me four times, but I still felt alone I can't tell you I'm not thinking of you anymore I travelled six hours for the sake of distraction Grown more in a year with my own self compassion I know it would be easier just to settle I don't think of you Like I used to do Like I used to do Mourning a future I know could've been And I'm wanting to please you, but I'm begging to leave Your body knows before your mind Though in your head it's fine I don't think of you I got too used to you Like I always do Missing you isn't enough Wanting you isn't enough We were too young to call it what it was Hate yourself, now that's alright Hate being alone, so stay the night You don't love me you, just need me to stay alive It kills me to be kind It kills me to be kind Romanticize dancing in the kitchen together In our shared house, fall asleep on each other But I fear the suburban life Not like you'd remember You finally got up, and you wanted to change Now I'm in New York because I couldn't wait any longer But I think it's for the better For the better I don't think of you (I don't think of you) Like you want me to Like I used to do (like I used to do) Missing you isn't enough Wanting you isn't enough We were too young to call it what it was Hate myself now that's alright Hate being alone, so stay the night You don't love me, you just need me to stay alive It kills me to be kind It kills me to be kind I heard you fucked somebody else Despite how bad you felt Need somebody in your bed to drown that noise in your head But I keep you in my mind Though I faked it every time You know it kills me to be kind It killed me to be kind Give it all up for us Give it all up for us You could give it all up for us, and it won't be enough You'd give it all up for us You'd give it all up for us But that doesn't mean it was love It doesn't mean it was love I woke up alone and I looked at my phone And you called me six times but I still felt alone Can I tell you I don't think of you anymore?