The Guy Who Brings the Yo-Yos To Your Elementary School

I am the guy who brings the yo-yos to your elementary school You sit cross legged in the gym Me and my headset mic will wow your friends With ball bearings and string And you can buy one on a whim For only 16 of your parents' hard earned dollars I will teach you how to walk the dog and sleep all on your own Then at 3:15 I'll pack the unsold Fireballs into my trunk And Breakaway to my next hotel home I've loved fourteen third grade teachers In eleven different counties All along the I-5 corridor, and still None of that compares to watching eyes fill up with wonder Dreaming they can bend this plastic to their will This can't last forever, but it don't get much better Guess I have to hope that it will When I was nineteen a recruiter showed up at my college After my last basketball game She said "Congrats you're done with Ju Co "Hey I loved the way you positively motivate your team "I bet in three months I can harness your dexterity "And teach you all the fine points of our spiel" She was right and by the time that I turned twenty I spoke daily and expensed all of my meals Now I'm 32 and I can sleepwalk through my speech Even hungover I can hit all of my moves But every parent hates me and nobody wants to date The Pied Piper of public elementary schools This can't last forever, but it don't get much better I don't know what else I can do Like a vampire for the kids' attention Thriving on their stupid questions Roll your eyes Their love's so fucking true Could I live a life that's stable? Punch the clock and rock the cradle? Is this string around me like a noose? This can't last forever, but it don't get much better I don't know what else I can do I don't know what else I can do