Sick Joke

Write it in gold, it could be retold

But the ending gets old

They say you learn to know when it's time to go

Like a sick joke

These days, I'm talking to myself again

Reenacting conversations that never happened

I know what to say now when you ask me

If everything I feel is temporary

Learning more about myself and it's scary

Won't you let me live right here in the memory?

Love me plenty, take this gently

Leave me empty, leave me whole

Call it what it is, it's a sick, sick joke

But nobody's laughing now

Wanna learn to love you, I just don't know how

Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out

And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about

Nobody's laughing now

Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town

Will I find it in me to find a way out?

I think I might feel better once I let you down

Restless, overanalyzing everything

You reached across these sheets for me

And though we never touched in that midnight glow

Every part of me, you begged to know

I look into your eyes and I see my own

Almost like you always knew me

What a horrifying feeling

You were horrifying

I only miss it a little, and I don't wish you very well

You only loved me in riddles, but you still loved me, I could tell

Now you call it a fever dream, only kidding yourself

You're only kidding yourself

But nobody's laughing now

Wanna learn to trust you, I just don't know how

Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out

And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about

And I'm still checking my phone, but you're no longer a contact

I'm good on my own, and you already know that

You swore to be true and you failed in the moment

They say it takes two but I blame you

And nobody's laughing now

Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town

Will I find it in me to find a way out?

I think I might feel better once I let you down

I don't know what it means, someday, I'll find the meaning

The wound still stings, but I kinda like the bleeding

Where'd you go? I don't know, but you oughta stay there

Had to block you on the Internet 'cause I still care

It keeps me up at night like a bad, bad dream

What if I never find someone who's just like me?

Our stars never aligned and we did a bad thing

I hold onto these grudges like I wish you held me

Reluctantly surrender my incessant need

For love so all consuming that it ruins me

You promised it was real, well, I guess you misspoke

So call it what it is, it's a sick, sick joke

And nobody's laughing now

I wanna be merciful, I don't know how

Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out

And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about

And it goes against my nature to believe you're bad

But why'd you have to go and lie to me like that?

There always comes a point when you have to have your own back

Now's as good a time as ever to learn that

Thankful that I never gave you all of me

Now I get to walk away with everything

If I linger in your memory, eradicate me

I never saw you coming but I felt you leave

Nobody's laughing now

Gave myself the closure 'cause I did my best

I hope you never find the guts to make amends

Crying to my friends, plotting my revenge

When all I really wanna know is why would you pretend?